Heaven and Hell - Salon.com http://dir.salon.com/topics/heaven_and_hell/?source=rss&aim=heaven_and_hell en-us Copyright 2007 Salon.com. Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT What broke the deal? Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/15/reader_dealbreakers3/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/15/reader_dealbreakers3/index.html?source=rss A photo of Oliver North, wildly untamed pubic hair, a guy who kept pronouncing "phallic" as "fay-lic" ... and other discoveries that ended the date. Dating deal breakers revealed! Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/08/reader_dealbreakers2/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/08/reader_dealbreakers2/index.html?source=rss Dentures, skid marks, knit ties and other things to avoid if you want to hook up. Dating deal breakers Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/01/reader_dealbreakers1/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/10/01/reader_dealbreakers1/index.html?source=rss "Would you like to hear some of my poetry?" And other things you shouldn't say if you want to score. Sure, you can play Kenny G. Just don't ever call me again By Michael Kessler Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/24/dealbreakers/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/24/dealbreakers/index.html?source=rss You've done it to someone. And somebody's done it to you. It's the deal breaker, and it's the pettiest way to weed people out. Dearjohn.com Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/17/dumped/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/17/dumped/index.html?source=rss The night before El Wimpo broke up with me by e-mail, we were steaming up the bedroom windows with our passion. Mixed signals Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/10/new_orleans/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/10/new_orleans/index.html?source=rss "If you lay a hand on me," she said,"I'll break every bone in it." Then she told me to lick the tuna fish off her finger. Laying Las Vegas Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/03/croupier/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/09/03/croupier/index.html?source=rss He's a bad boy, a croupier. I'm a bad girl: I've done threesomes, I've done videotapes, and I did another guy last night. We should be the perfect couple. My bigoted valentine Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/27/pc/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/27/pc/index.html?source=rss He was a good-looking pilot and he wanted to fly me to romantic places. Then he began ranting about gays, peaceniks and "p.c. girls." He had me at "allo" Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/20/allo/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/20/allo/index.html?source=rss My Ukrainian composer spoke no English, had carpetlike back hair, and smelled vaguely of cooked cabbage. What's not to love? "Are you desperate yet?" Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/13/laundry/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/08/13/laundry/index.html?source=rss That was his opening line. And I still went home with him on our first date. The ultimate mood kill Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/30/tooth/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/30/tooth/index.html?source=rss As he made his way down to my belly, I felt something strange on my left breast. The plan that backfired Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/23/drunk/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/23/drunk/index.html?source=rss I wanted her to loosen up, so I got her drunk. And it was working too -- we talked dirty, we made out. And then the inevitable happened. Paradise in the parking lot, Part 2 Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/16/cad_speaks/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/16/cad_speaks/index.html?source=rss The cad speaks! Will last week's villain emerge as this week's hero? Paradise in the parking lot Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/09/high_school/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/09/high_school/index.html?source=rss I called him from my cell right after he dropped me off. "I'm masturbating," he said. I'd found my true love. The curse of underwear ignorance Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/02/thong/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/07/02/thong/index.html?source=rss Encountering my thong, he yelped, "Your underwear doesn't cover your butt!" Right then, I knew my dream of great sex would not come true. How do you compete with a man named Enrique? Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/25/radiohead/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/25/radiohead/index.html?source=rss I could play Radiohead on the guitar. He spoke fluent Spanish. Guess who got the girl. To tell or not to tell Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/18/apartment/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/18/apartment/index.html?source=rss If you realize that you've already hooked up with your blind date's friend -- in your blind date's apartment, no less -- do you 'fess up? No room for love Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/11/business/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/11/business/index.html?source=rss That's what we told each other. Two nights later, with the A.C. on full-blast, we were voraciously coupling in every way imaginable. twotimingpunk.com Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/05/angel/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/06/05/angel/index.html?source=rss We jumped straight into serious rutting, the kind that makes you forget your own name. And sometimes, your judgment. Homecoming from hell -- with handcuffs Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/28/high_school/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/28/high_school/index.html?source=rss It was 1979. I was a long-haired Robert Plant wannabe; she was a wrong-side-of-the-tracks brunette with hippie sensibilities. All I wanted to do was score. A mouthful of hair Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/21/mouthful/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/21/mouthful/index.html?source=rss She was blond, cute, smart and interested. So what went wrong? Teenage wasteland Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/14/teenagers/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/14/teenagers/index.html?source=rss We talked for a minimum of 10 hours a day, every day, for years. He was still a virgin when we finally met. Staying pure Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/07/spiritual/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/05/07/spiritual/index.html?source=rss She was beautiful, sexy and intelligent. Perfect, really, except for that whole cult thing. A special Match Made in (the 9th circle of) Hell By Stephen F. Milioti Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/04/30/shrink/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/04/30/shrink/index.html?source=rss On orders from my shrink, I posted a personal ad. Now I really need therapy. I should have told him I was a dyke Wed, 15 Oct 2003 14:10:00 PDT http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/04/23/crack/index.html?source=rss http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/heaven_hell/2003/04/23/crack/index.html?source=rss I was a gay woman, he was a gay man. We tried. We really, really tried.