Salon Directory › h › Heaven and Hell (46 stories)

Heaven and Hell

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What broke the deal?: A photo of Oliver North, wildly untamed pubic hair, a guy who kept pronouncing "phallic" as "fay-lic" ... and other discoveries that ended the date.; Oct 15, 2003
Dating deal breakers revealed!: Dentures, skid marks, knit ties and other things to avoid if you want to hook up.; Oct 8, 2003
Dating deal breakers: "Would you like to hear some of my poetry?" And other things you shouldn't say if you want to score.; Oct 1, 2003
Sure, you can play Kenny G. Just don't ever call me again: You've done it to someone. And somebody's done it to you. It's the deal breaker, and it's the pettiest way to weed people out.; By Michael Kessler Sep 24, 2003
Dearjohn.com: The night before El Wimpo broke up with me by e-mail, we were steaming up the bedroom windows with our passion.; Sep 17, 2003
Mixed signals: "If you lay a hand on me," she said,"I'll break every bone in it." Then she told me to lick the tuna fish off her finger.; Sep 10, 2003
Laying Las Vegas: He's a bad boy, a croupier. I'm a bad girl: I've done threesomes, I've done videotapes, and I did another guy last night. We should be the perfect couple.; Sep 3, 2003
My bigoted valentine: He was a good-looking pilot and he wanted to fly me to romantic places. Then he began ranting about gays, peaceniks and "p.c. girls."; Aug 27, 2003
He had me at "allo": My Ukrainian composer spoke no English, had carpetlike back hair, and smelled vaguely of cooked cabbage. What's not to love?; Aug 20, 2003
"Are you desperate yet?": That was his opening line. And I still went home with him on our first date.; Aug 13, 2003
The ultimate mood kill: As he made his way down to my belly, I felt something strange on my left breast.; Jul 30, 2003
The plan that backfired: I wanted her to loosen up, so I got her drunk. And it was working too -- we talked dirty, we made out. And then the inevitable happened.; Jul 23, 2003
Paradise in the parking lot, Part 2: The cad speaks! Will last week's villain emerge as this week's hero?; Jul 16, 2003
Paradise in the parking lot: I called him from my cell right after he dropped me off. "I'm masturbating," he said. I'd found my true love.; Jul 9, 2003
The curse of underwear ignorance: Encountering my thong, he yelped, "Your underwear doesn't cover your butt!" Right then, I knew my dream of great sex would not come true.; Jul 2, 2003
How do you compete with a man named Enrique?: I could play Radiohead on the guitar. He spoke fluent Spanish. Guess who got the girl.; Jun 25, 2003
To tell or not to tell: If you realize that you've already hooked up with your blind date's friend -- in your blind date's apartment, no less -- do you 'fess up?; Jun 18, 2003
No room for love: That's what we told each other. Two nights later, with the A.C. on full-blast, we were voraciously coupling in every way imaginable.; Jun 11, 2003
twotimingpunk.com: We jumped straight into serious rutting, the kind that makes you forget your own name. And sometimes, your judgment.; Jun 5, 2003
Homecoming from hell -- with handcuffs: It was 1979. I was a long-haired Robert Plant wannabe; she was a wrong-side-of-the-tracks brunette with hippie sensibilities. All I wanted to do was score.; May 28, 2003
A mouthful of hair: She was blond, cute, smart and interested. So what went wrong?; May 21, 2003
Teenage wasteland: We talked for a minimum of 10 hours a day, every day, for years. He was still a virgin when we finally met.; May 14, 2003
Staying pure: She was beautiful, sexy and intelligent. Perfect, really, except for that whole cult thing.; May 7, 2003
A special Match Made in (the 9th circle of) Hell: On orders from my shrink, I posted a personal ad. Now I really need therapy.; By Stephen F. Milioti Apr 30, 2003
I should have told him I was a dyke: I was a gay woman, he was a gay man. We tried. We really, really tried.; Apr 23, 2003

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Salon Directory › h › Heaven and Hell (46 stories)

Heaven and Hell

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