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How on earth were they making that sound? And Nico. Nico!
Ranted by Cary Tennis
December 19, 2002
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The writer locks himself in the audio booth, takes a deep breath, and explains the universe in just over 12 minutes.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
November 8, 2002
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Creative jealousy almost ate my mojo.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
October 8, 2002
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Volunteering to write "Since You Asked ..." was a lot like saying, "May I carry your bags, please? May I light your cigarette?"
Ranted by Cary Tennis
September 24, 2002
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Maybe you were having fun in the '60s, but I was dancing out of nihilism and fear.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
September 10, 2002
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In an era of diminished expectations, those of us who've never had much hope to begin with are starting to feel lucky.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
August 26, 2002
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Why is it that when you call information, they've got no information? And why are there American flags in my grilled ham and cheese?
Ranted by Cary Tennis
July 18, 2002
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Who am I? Why am I doing this? Is it giving me delusions of grandeur? The advice columnist does some soul-searching.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
July 9, 2002
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And other perils of relationships.
Ranted by Cary Tennis
June 18, 2002
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So they're dissing you at your fast-food job? Life sucks sometimes.
By Cary Tennis
June 11, 2002
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I dislike the word "partner," but that doesn't mean I'm a homophobe.
May 21, 2002
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Humanity is apparently in steep decline.
By Cary Tennis
April 23, 2002
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I gotta call John, get Bill in here, Walter have a look at this, get George on the phone, fax it to Max, he's lunching at Dave's ...
By Cary Tennis
April 16, 2002
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What's with these guys who write in about how wonderful they are? A "vaguely intelligent and mildly talented middle-aged married guy" wants to know: Is it just me, or are they even worse losers than the rest of us losers?
By Cary Tennis
March 26, 2002
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Um, no, of course not.
By Cary Tennis
March 19, 2002
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Again and again, love begets betrayal.
By Cary Tennis
March 13, 2002
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I'm engaged to be married, but the sex with my "secret girl" is hot hot hot! She's got two kids by different dads and no job, but she's hot! So, do I ditch the fiancée or what?
By Cary Tennis
February 27, 2002
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Cary Tennis reads from works by André Breton, Paul Eluard and others
Read by Cary Tennis
February 14, 2002
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And she forgot my boyfriend's name!
By Cary Tennis
February 7, 2002
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Could it explain why our relationship failed?
By Cary Tennis
January 30, 2002
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Should I marry the alcoholic Englishman?
He's sober but he doesn't fit in.
January 23, 2002
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I like to make men fall in love with me, even though I have a boyfriend. Am I using my powers for evil?
By Cary Tennis
January 9, 2002
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Salon's advice columnist attacks a question that just leaps out at him.
By Cary Tennis
December 18, 2001
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The girls tell him, "You're weird" -- and they really mean it. But Cary identifies with the guy, and invites him to San Francisco.
By Cary Tennis
December 5, 2001
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Give birth to a baby you don't want? Cut your own arm off? What the heck, time's a wastin'!
By Cary Tennis
November 21, 2001
I was rearranged by the Velvet Underground in 1967
Postmodernism: Deconstructed
You obviously don't know who I am!
How to become an advice columnist
An ex-hippie boomer looks back
Expect the worst ... and be happy!
I want my world back!
I can criticize you in public
Beware the fires of hell
Hang in there!
In defense of standard English
Dog bites, cellphones and an incest invitation
"Men at Work"
Handsome, smart, sensitive? I'll smack you right in the head!
Yew think ah talk funneh?
Why do women lie to me?
Which way to happiness?
"Surrealist Love Poems"
My therapist stared at me like a zombie
My ex had a dream -- in which I disappeared
Since you asked: The rant
I'm a shameless flirt!
My ex has my cat -- and he won't give him back!
I'm a home-schooled weirdo and my true love is a boozer!
Since you asked: The rant
Glenn Greenwald
War Room
Broadsheet