Cary Tennis Audio

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I was rearranged by the Velvet Underground in 1967
How on earth were they making that sound? And Nico. Nico!
Postmodernism: Deconstructed
The writer locks himself in the audio booth, takes a deep breath, and explains the universe in just over 12 minutes.
You obviously don't know who I am!
Creative jealousy almost ate my mojo.
How to become an advice columnist
Volunteering to write "Since You Asked ..." was a lot like saying, "May I carry your bags, please? May I light your cigarette?"
An ex-hippie boomer looks back
Maybe you were having fun in the '60s, but I was dancing out of nihilism and fear.
Expect the worst ... and be happy!
In an era of diminished expectations, those of us who've never had much hope to begin with are starting to feel lucky.
I want my world back!
Why is it that when you call information, they've got no information? And why are there American flags in my grilled ham and cheese?
I can criticize you in public
Who am I? Why am I doing this? Is it giving me delusions of grandeur? The advice columnist does some soul-searching.
Beware the fires of hell
And other perils of relationships.
Hang in there!
So they're dissing you at your fast-food job? Life sucks sometimes.
In defense of standard English
I dislike the word "partner," but that doesn't mean I'm a homophobe.
Dog bites, cellphones and an incest invitation
Humanity is apparently in steep decline.
"Men at Work"
I gotta call John, get Bill in here, Walter have a look at this, get George on the phone, fax it to Max, he's lunching at Dave's ...
Handsome, smart, sensitive? I'll smack you right in the head!
What's with these guys who write in about how wonderful they are? A "vaguely intelligent and mildly talented middle-aged married guy" wants to know: Is it just me, or are they even worse losers than the rest of us losers?
Yew think ah talk funneh?
Um, no, of course not.
Why do women lie to me?
Again and again, love begets betrayal.
Which way to happiness?
I'm engaged to be married, but the sex with my "secret girl" is hot hot hot! She's got two kids by different dads and no job, but she's hot! So, do I ditch the fiancée or what?
"Surrealist Love Poems"
Cary Tennis reads from works by André Breton, Paul Eluard and others
My therapist stared at me like a zombie
And she forgot my boyfriend's name!
My ex had a dream -- in which I disappeared
Could it explain why our relationship failed?
Since you asked: The rant
Should I marry the alcoholic Englishman? He's sober but he doesn't fit in.
I'm a shameless flirt!
I like to make men fall in love with me, even though I have a boyfriend. Am I using my powers for evil?
My ex has my cat -- and he won't give him back!
Salon's advice columnist attacks a question that just leaps out at him.
I'm a home-schooled weirdo and my true love is a boozer!
The girls tell him, "You're weird" -- and they really mean it. But Cary identifies with the guy, and invites him to San Francisco.
Since you asked: The rant
Give birth to a baby you don't want? Cut your own arm off? What the heck, time's a wastin'!
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