Economy, business class, first class? Where the hell am I sitting and what's the difference?

To a degree, what each of these things means is open to interpretation, but there are four standard cabins: first class, business class, economy class, and Southwest. Just kidding. Southwest's cabins are actually, um, very nice. There are three: first, business, and economy. The latter is often referred to as coach or tourist. Within the industry, and sometimes on your ticket, these will be designated using the letters F, C, and Y respectively. Just don't ask me where the letters come from or why business class is C.

An airline may configure a plane with all three cabins (F, C, and Y), two of them (F and Y or C and Y), or just one (entirely Y). The setups will differ within an airline's fleet. Planes that fly only domestically are often configured differently from those scheduled for international runs.

The levels of service within a specific cabin also vary with destination. In other words, first class on a short flight can be very different -- with entirely different seats and amenities -- from first class on a long haul. If you've experienced both you'll know what I mean. First class between Miami and Minneapolis, or Madrid and Munich, is very nice, but on that same airline's widebody to Hong Kong or Sydney it's probably outfitted with 6-foot, fully reclining sleeper seats and your own personal mini-cabin.

In some cases it depends on the exact market, and flights of equal duration might not share configurations. New York-Rio and New York-Tokyo are both of similar length, but an airline might only have its top-of-the-line first class aboard one of them.

To insinuate some personality, airlines will frequently assign cabins names. Virgin Atlantic calls first class "Upper Class," while a China Airlines business cabin is "Dynasty Class." On Alitalia, premium passengers sit in "Magnifica Class." To sweeten the implications of "economy" or "tourist," British Airways sells tickets for "World Traveler" class. Its business class, meanwhile, used to be called "Club Class" but is now "Club World." Somewhere in the fine print, and in the price, you can figure out which of the traditional subdivisions they're talking about.

As mentioned in a column several months ago, as if the airlines' fare structures aren't treacherous enough, they've now taken to blurring the class distinctions. Airlines like Delta and Continental no longer offer a first class on many international runs, opting for a jazzed-up business class instead. Flying to Europe in Delta's "Business Elite" is better than any domestic seat, including domestic first class, but lacks the prestige of what's become the standard for international first class. That is, fully flat beds and other extravagances. Continental even came up with something called, in all possible befuddlement, "Business First."

On some intra-European flights, the physical partitions vary according to demand. On Air France, economy becomes business by virtue of blocking out the middle seat of a three-abreast block. Voilà, you've got "Euroconcept." Still others have taken to dividing economy into two sections, one with extra legroom. "Economy Plus" is the idea, though technically it's still, well, coach.

Which airline has the best barf bags? What are they officially called anyway? I noticed that on Garuda, for example, they have very small, dainty little bags -- as if Asians puke less. Do they take into account things like trajectory, backsplash, etc.?

I think Asians probably do puke less. (I'll bet the bags on Aeroflot are huge.) They're "officially" called motion sickness bags, and a lot of testing goes into their design, though it's tough getting those crash dummies to throw up. When I was a kid I had a pretty big barf bag collection. The best ones were from Braniff, because they came in different colors and had really thick plastic linings.

I use barf bags all the time when I fly. Not for throwing up, but for trash. A typical coach class airline meal comes with approximately 3 ounces of food and 19 ounces of plastic, paper, and miscellaneous garbage. To keep the refuse from tumbling all over the place, I recommend crushing it into a barf bag.

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