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Tuesday, Nov 24, 2009
2. One person may not be enough for four simultaneous sex toys.
The kit from Digital Sexsations is a step up from that of SafeSexPlus -- not only is the software and hardware a bit more advanced, consisting of a "black box" that plugs into the serial port of your computer and a rather elegant chat client, but the whole shebang is even branded with a discreet green-and-black logo.
Digital Sexsations also offers something that SafeSexPlus can't beat: four device ports. You can plug four different sex toys into your black box -- say, Le Bullette vibrator and a Mega Clit Saucer, a Nipple Exciter and a Pleasure Dome vibrating anal plug -- and each one can be individually controlled by your partner. The Digital Sexsations chat window lets you create hot keywords that, when typed into the chat window, will bring one of these four devices to life at different levels of intensity. "I kiss your butt," for example, will cause that anal vibrator to go wild, while "I touch your breast" will spring the Nipple Exciter into action. (Besides the rather limited keyword option, you can also control the toys manually while writing sweet nothings.) Just imagine it: You can have four simultaneous sex toys buzzing across your body!
Or can you? The physics of it are dubious: Try holding a vibrator against your crotch and an anal toy to your behind, while balancing a Nipple Exciter on your breast and typing steamy pillow talk to your invisible partner, and manipulating their sex toys to boot. Trust me, it's impossible. Only Shiva himself could manage this little feat.
3. It's easier for gals.
In that early issue of Future Sex magazine, the editors envisioned the cybersex suit of the future as being built from a "woven fabric of sensors -- a membrane that simulates human skin -- that can be worn over human genitals and used to digitize and record sensual and sexual touching." Contemporary, sleek and sensitive, the cybersex suit would be tailored to your body's needs and would use the most modern technology to send gentle signals to your erogenous zones.
Meet the 2000 version of the cyberdildonics suit: The Vibro-Realistic Vagina and the Nipple Exciter. The Vibro-Realistic Vagina, according to the box's promises, is a "lifesize, totally lifelike replica of a woman's vagina." This is wishful thinking. What it really is is a floppy chunk of soft, flesh-colored plastic, complete with a gaping pink-lipped hole in the middle and, as a crowning touch, some creepy curls of imitation pubic hair. This sex toy is so hideous that I can't imagine that any self-respecting man would actually put his penis inside it; my partner took one look, shook his head and burst out laughing. His first response, as I recall, was "You want me to get in that?"
There's also the RoboSuck, a plastic vacuum-action cylinder. ("Always ready and always willing, RoboSuck brings modern technology and master craftsmanship to combine man's age-old and never-ending quest for powerful suction.") I've yet to meet the man whose idea of good sex is sticking his penis in a vacuum cleaner, but perhaps he exists.
On a similar note, there's also the Nipple Exciter, a kind of vacuum pump for your breast -- a giant red rubber bulb on the end of a plastic suction-cup that fits over your nipple. Your partner's virtual commands will cause the thing to suck hard or slow, pulsing rather obscenely as it sucks your soft flesh into its plastic maw. This, contrary to what the box might tell you, is not a pleasant sensation.
Then there's the Vibro Mr. Jack (think the Vibro-Realistic Vagina, but as a
On the whole, women are more suited for cyberdildonics, since the available array of dildos and strap-on vibrators are already familiar and useful toys for many modern gals. For men, unfortunately, there's a dearth of electronic toys that are as effective or as sensitive as the palm of your own hand.
4. Cyberdildonics is not for couples.
When you are already having the real, flesh-and-blood variety of sex several times a week, there's not much incentive to try the virtual kind. Just try sitting down with your husband (or wife or boyfriend or lover) and suggesting that you buy cyberdildonics kits so that you can make love online. It takes a rare sort of couple to make this happen. To start off, you both have to be PC people (no Mac versions available), and you should probably have them at home (I dare you to try this at work), which means, of course, that you shouldn't live together. It's hard enough to make the time to get together with your sweetheart; do you want to waste the hours getting together virtually?
That said, I have a friend whose boyfriend lives across the country, who perked up with interest when she heard about the product. Alas, she's a Mac person, and her rather modest boyfriend doesn't seem the type to play with plastic genitalia. But who knows what she hasn't told me?
SafeSexPlus seems to have the target demographic down: Cyberdildonics is for those computer-loving singles who have long been having cybersex anyway, using sticky fingers and their own toys to get off with invisible partners, and who now want to add a remote-control to the action. Over at the Internet Friends Network, you are encouraged to find another cyberdildonics-owning stranger, open up a private chat room and get to it (if you own a Webcam, you can even include video feeds). Or, you can watch an "exhibitor" -- basically, the Net equivalent of an interactive porn star, who charges a fee to have cyberdildonic-enhanced chat with admirers who are watching her from remote desktops.
This, then, is just the next step up from the HotNHorny chat room at AOL. Of course, those chat rooms are very popular; perhaps SafeSexPlus will be, too.
