Before MTV chained American music to the mediocrity of the physically attractive, music was once a place where dork bands like Yes, Journey, REO Speedwagon and Devo could find purchase. Now it looks like those days are coming back, with self-proclaimed nerd bands like Weezer, Barenaked Ladies, and Super Furry Animals scoring hits. Moby, Fatboy Slim, and the explosion of techno have inspired a generation of goofy guys angling to be the next electronica sensation by trading bleeps and blops on the Internet. Even OutKast has released a stunning departure from hip-hop, with Andre 3000 appearing on the cover of Vanity Fair in what seems to be an Urkel costume.

Movies are no exception. The four biggest heroes of the last five years have been Neo from "The Matrix," Harry Potter, Spider-Man's alter ego Peter Parker, and a fat kid named Cartman. The television has so many shows dedicated to dorks that any cursory view of the cable guide after hours will provide Comedy Central, the Cartoon Network, and several late-night hosts to satisfy your inner nerd. "Saturday Night Live" has the lisping, supercilious "Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy," while ads for Sprint and Verizon feature a weirdo in an "X-Files" trenchcoat and a bespectacled dork nasally repeating, "Can you hear me now?"

The new American hero is Jack Black, who fits into the subcategory of dork we called "spazzes." He's all rock 'n' roll, but in the studied way, like the kids in high school who worshipped the Canadian band Rush. He might have been the first kid you knew who got drunk, but remember, he was also playing "Axis and Allies" at the time. The Britneys and the Christinas may have a stranglehold on what corporate America regards as cutting edge, but ask the cool 13-year-old girls what they're listening to, and they'll mention Black's Tenacious D, Pink, Avril Lavigne and Kelly Osbourne, acts who are less about rebellion and more concerned with misfit empowerment.

But there is a problem in all this. Famous goth Robert Smith said of the Cure, "If we're selling out arenas, how can we be 'alternative'?" The same could be said of today's misfit teens, who get more airtime and cultural attention than they know what to do with. Post-Columbine parents are finally taking their troubled teens seriously, with zero-tolerance policies and heavy-duty counseling stopping most abuse before it gets going. The percentage of American children who are obese has more than tripled in the last four decades, so obviously school sports don't hold the cachet they once did -- nerds are given a pass on dodge ball these days, perhaps because there are much bigger targets standing around.

Dorks have also found each other through the Internet, where a simple search on your undying passion (comic books, astronomy, multiuser dungeons) yields 4,500 like-minded kids dying to talk to you.

What happens when the "harsh nurse of greatness" is replaced by peace and harmony? Most of the world's best art, best engineering, best cosmological thinking, came from years of nerds not being able to find a date. The typical dork, allowed to stew in his or her own juices, is capable of almost anything.

Who wired America? Certainly not the lacrosse team. Fourteen-year-old college student Alexander Graham Bell didn't invent the telephone by going to a lot of Tri Delt parties. Eli Whitney locked himself in a cabin until he came up with the cotton gin. It is because of nebbishes like Jonas Salk and Alexander Fleming that you don't have polio and don't die when you get the flu. When travel was difficult, 18th century nerds developed efficient trains; tired of always going downstream, 19th century geeks invented steamships. If it weren't for dorks, America would look like Chile.

Perhaps there's nothing to worry about. Perhaps childhood sucks so bad, and teenagers are so naturally full of self-loathing, that no complacency will sink in. There will always be that bully around the corner, whether he's the failing fifth-grader with a moustache, or the U.S. government. It would, however, be a pity if none of us could look back upon our childhood with the kind of anger, resentment, self-pity and desire for revenge that have fueled our greatest work.

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