Site Presented By
Monday, Nov 9, 2009
Just because a site isn't pitching goods or services doesn't mean it ought to be taking up cyberspace. Maybe everyone's got at least one good idea knocking around the old brain. And most everyone holds at least one strong opinion -- which sometimes surely led to the registration of a domain name. A Web site around a strong opinion, however, is not necessarily that person's one good idea. Just how much more could be said at I-Love-Cake-Candles.com?
There are expired URLs for every mood. High-self esteem (DavidIsRight.com and IAmBlessedAndHighlyFavored.com) and low (ISuckAtEverything.com, DontWreckMe.com). Optimistic (ItsMarvelous.com and ImPumped.com) and expecting the worst (ItsNotGoingToHappen.com). There are names for the fed-up (ThatsBullcrap.com), apologetic (HoneySorryIAmWrong.com), self-doubting (SheOnlyLikesMeWhenImHigh.com), self-loathing (IAmABrainDeadMoron.com, IAmBloated.com). There are sympathetic URLs (ItHappensToEveryMan.com) and fanciful ones (ItsSoBig.com). There are obsessive names (IHaveYouInMind.com) and ominous names (ItsLaterThanYouThink.com) and even lactose-intolerant names (DairyNot.com).
Some people intended to create the hub for hobbyists like themselves, be they collectors (ICollectBarbies.com, AirForcePatchCollectors.com) or aficionados of lesser-known sports (IPlayCricket.com, ILoveIceFishing.com). The promise of finding people who dance your dance (FoxTrotDenise.com, Love2LineDance.com), drink your drink (BeersILove.com), or appreciate your favorite aquatic species (JellyfishGallery.com, ArtOfCatfish.com, BeckyLovesFrogs.com) can be a siren song. Some online ambitions centered around a TV show (a Seinfeld fan's FestivusMaximus.com, a South Park fan's ImSuperThanksForAsking.com). Or musical act (Mad4Oasis.com, AdorableBritneySpears.com). Or even favorite first and former first-daughters (BarbaraAndJennaBush.com, ILoveChelseaClinton.com).
Others intended to make going online a religious experience (SupremeOne.com, GoCatholics.com, IslamicGamesRUs.com) or a dating experience (EgoMate.com, FindMyTrueLove.com), or both (MissZoroastrian.com, MrJewish.com, MrChristian.com). Some had biting political sites in mind (RevJessesLoveChild.com, AlGoreThiefOfState.com). A few seem to have registered the name of the band they planned to front, assuming they learned to play the guitar (BigamousPygmies.com, BarefootedFriar.com, JurassicPimp.com). And there are others for which it's a stretch even to hazard a guess. MyPetFishLikesToastedKiwis.com, IAmCarbonatedMilk.com -- typing tests, in-jokes, or neo-dada experiments?
Then there are the romantics. A love letter is romantic, a private gesture from one besotted person to another. A love e-mail? Though entire relationships have been founded on sentiments passed desktop to desktop, "love e-mail" lacks the endearing alliteration of its hard-copy cousin. Now consider a love site. Beyond the overarching theme of eternal love for Claire (which someone ostensibly revealed in the very act of registering ILoveClaireAlways.com), what would such a site look like? Were there to be poems about Claire? Pictures of Claire? Did Claire know about this? Did Claire even love you back?
The fact that these domains were left fallow is even more intriguing than the fact that they were registered to begin with. Did the person who bought ILoveTracyVeryMuch.com realize that he (or she) actually loved Tracy only moderately? Were the designs for ChrisLovesSally.com and ChrisLovesAmanda.com scrapped after that day Sally and Amanda ran in to each other and compared notes? Both Alan and Branden announced their love for Amy (BrandenLovesAmy.com, AlanLovesAmy.com), but neither pulled the trigger and built a Web site to back up his claim. Maybe that's why Pat snagged her (AmyAndPat.com), except that site wasn't built either. Are they still together? Did the relationship expire before the domain name did, or did Chip and Danna (of ChipandDanna.com) decide that their time together would be better spent at the gym? And what about Nick and Tonya? Both NickLovesTonya.com and TonyaLovesNick.com were released earlier this year. Is either URL still an accurate description of the couple's emotional state, or would it be more fitting, these days, to publish NickLostInterestInTonya.com and TonyaHatesTheWayNickChews.com?
A number of people hit on the dim idea for online engagement site. Imagine how you might have responded to an e-mail that requested a visit to WannaMarryMe.com or WouldYouMarryMeOnline.com. With all pretense of surprise spoiled at the sight of the URL, I think I'd have been tempted to write back, "Check out my answer at No.com."
We all learn that love doesn't necessarily last forever (even Janelle's beloved, who registered ILoveJanelleForever.com only to set it adrift). And the sorrow and resentment that can result from disaffection often seeks a podium of its own. Such emotion may well have lead to IDislikeRob.com, GordonIsAMoron.com, IHateAdamOliver.com, and HeatherThompsonIsABigDork.com (though the last sounds more like it was registered by Heather's little sister). Though MeganAndAndreaAreLesbians.com may have been intended as a virtual coming-out party, it sounds more like a bulletin board for disgruntled ex-boyfriends. Think that's harsh? For all-out fury -- spent perhaps in the very act of URL registration -- it's hard to beat IHateAndrewSalkeldTheFatUglyGreasyStarTrekLovingWanker.com. If she really wanted to drive the point home, the owner of that inspired URL should have doled out free e-mail addresses to all of her friends (Heather@IHateAndrewSalkeldTheFatUglyGreasyStarTrekLovingWanker.com, for example). It takes a while to type, but talk about your viral marketing.
In the world of expired domains, bile is not relegated to faded love and former lovers. Wrath greets corporate entities (CompUSABlows.com, FeedbackDirectSucks.com), musical groups (NSyncStinks.com), and professional athletes (BillRomanowskiSucks.com), though a number of these were likely defensive measures taken by the subjects themselves. Anger also targets domain names (the oh-so ironic IHateAllThoseLongDomainNames.com), various foodstuffs (IHateCorn.com, IHateFruitcake.com), small European countries (IHateDenmark.com), days of the week (WeHateWednesday.com), coworkers (PeopleIHateAtWork.com, MyColleagueIsAnIdiot.com) and, apparently, even me: (YouSuckBigTime.com, ICantStandYou.com, YoureAnIdiot.com, YouLookLikeADork.com, IDontLikeYourHaircut.com, and NobodyLikesYou.com). Ouch.
Why were so many domains registered then left unused? Why weren't the sites ever built? Perhaps, after that initial "Eureka!" moment, the cyber-novelty waned. Registration alone gets you little aside from bragging rights and a charge to your credit card. Without something tactile in hand, some people probably forgot they even owned a URL. Or, after titling their domain (AllAboutColleen.com, for example, or MyDogRocky.com), they realized that there wasn't much news to report. Or that they didn't want to let the public into their kingdom after all. Others may have been daunted to find that their one-of-a-kind, can't-believe-no-one-else-has-thought-of-this innovation was under construction elsewhere -- by Microsoft or Procter & Gamble or another well-heeled competitor. And countless, surely, just never made it to step two, "Build Wb site" remaining uncrossed off the weekly to-do list, somewhere below "Dust" in priority.
After a URL lapses, all that remains is a listing in an "expired domains" database, and that for only a few months, before it is purged from the great Internic registry, as if it never existed. But maybe owning the URL, albeit temporarily, was enough. Even before the site is built, a domain name can provide an image, a statement, an insult, a compliment, a joke, a wish, a confession, a meeting ground, and a sales pitch. Why these domain names were registered, what they intended to reveal, remain hidden within their lapsed anonymity. But the lost URLs themselves say what I suspected all along: YouCantHandleTheTruth.com, YouCantStopMe.com, YouDontWantToKnow.com, YouHaveNoIdea.com, YoudBeSurprised.com. It could all be true. Just one last question though, for the person who registered I-Love-You-Heather.com. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? How could you let that go?
