The original Diablo offered your warrior of choice a vast array of potential weaponry, armor and jewelry. You could either obtain these items as a reward for disemboweling a Balrog or the like or purchase them at a store in town. Helmets, shields, plate mail -- not only did they look fabulous as you tried them on in the special "inventory" interface window, but they also sounded cool. I know I won't soon forget the thrill that coursed through my body the first time I heard the resonant clang that accompanied a beautiful (and expensive) coat of "Splint-Mail" armor. And to cap it all off, a change in armor changed how you looked as you played the game in real time. Fantasy never looked so good.
Diablo II has more items in every category and more categories of items. The choices are so multifarious as to be positively bewildering. In addition to the old standbys of armor and helmets, now you need to find the right gloves, boots and belts as well. You can also festoon selected items with emeralds, rubies and other fine gems -- a jewelry-loving berserker's delight. And not only are there more doodads to buy and trade and find, there are even more retail outlets at which to purchase these commodities, which range in price from a paltry 100 pieces of gold to a whopping 100,000 pieces or more.
But all of the dithering and dallying involved in choosing what to wear ends up burning through quite a bit of time. Playing online over the weekend, I ran into a few bloodthirsty combatants who expressed rather strongly worded sentiments of impatience when their comrades in arms spent too long window-shopping before setting out in search of death and glory. But I could only empathize with the careful shoppers, for I too was lost in a cloud of consumer doubt. Should I wear the furs because they make Bug an unexpectedly ravishing giant thug, or should I be more pragmatic and put on the "Azure Heavy Boots of Pacing" for extra nimbleness?
After reviewing my game-playing priorities, I realized I was devoting almost as many minutes to comparison shopping as I was to killing Diablo's minions. And I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the poor performance of the Battle.net servers. Not because I wanted to kill, kill, kill, but because I still hadn't gotten all my accessories in order. It was as if the freeway to the mall had been closed!
Still, I have no doubt that hardcore gamers will dispute my assertion that Diablo II is a fashion show run amok. Who cares whether the boots are bright orange or sky blue -- they will roar. The only thing true warriors worry about is how much the footwear boosts one's Strength or Dexterity experience points, or whether a 30 percent increase in poison resistance is better than a 25 percent boost in the ability to fend off freezing temperatures.
They may have a point. I will concede that there are times when practical considerations trump fashion concerns. No matter how much I liked the way my "Bone Shield" highlighted my "Beryl Heavy Gloves of the Fox," for example, I have encountered some rather nasty monsters whose dispatching required swinging a two-handed battle-ax while wearing fireball-neutralizing gauntlets. And as I always say, it's best to dress for the situation, and not for the mirror, if you want to live to fight demons another day.
But take a hard look at Battle.net. Note that at the bottom of the screen at which players can create or join Diablo II games, an online, real-time pictorial representation of all the players currently logged in scrolls from left to right. Half-naked Amazons dressed only in leather vie for attention with Necromancers who are jingling with chain-mail everything -- boots, gloves, armor. In this parade, looking good is what it's all about.