Airlines don't make business decisions based on the bragging rights of landing at this or that most distant point. Continental may not know or care that Oslo happens to be our most northerly port of call.

One thing Continental surely does take pride in, however, is having garnered 2004's prestigious Airline of the Year award from OAG. The Houston-based carrier becomes the first North American airline to garner the award since its inception in 1982. Continental was also chosen for "best executive/business class" and was named "best airline based in North America." Publishers of the Official Airline Guide, OAG's annual accolades are akin to industry Oscars.

Actually, the folks at Air Transport World claim that same distinction, and both institutions' laurels, if determined by slightly different criteria, are highly coveted. (At ATW, winners are picked by the editors. OAG's are based on votes from frequent fliers.)

Then we have Skytrax, consultancy group and advisor to the world's leading airports and airlines. The company's popular online forum grades everything from airport security to frequent-flier lounges, and it too bestows a series of annual awards. Like those of OAG, they are derived from the opinions of passengers.

The 2004 Skytrax "airline of the year" tally looks like this:

1. Singapore Airlines
2. Emirates
3. Cathay Pacific
4. Qantas
5. Thai Airways

What's needed, some will argue, if only in the spirit of unfairness, is a worst airline award. A year ago, Salon readers gave Ask the Pilot's dubious Golden Pretzel prize to Northwest, but until now I hadn't seen any imitators.

Enter National Geographic Adventure, sister magazine of the famous society's National Geographic Traveler. Both publications are excellent, though Adventure, as the name implies, likes to style itself as the anti-Condé Nast, a get-your-shoes-muddy guide for the budget set. (Though honestly, in terms of target demographics I fail to see much difference between ads for $300 hiking boots or equally overpriced Tumi carry-ons.)

One of Adventure's star contributors is Robert Young Pelton, freewheeling reporter at large and coauthor of "The World's Most Dangerous Places." Normally I enjoy Pelton's work as a sort of mercenary journalist, always poking around in the planet's most volatile hotspots -- Chechnya, Liberia, Somalia.

"EXTRA!" shouts the cover of the latest Adventure, the "Best of Adventure 2005" edition. "Pelton Picks the World's Most Dangerous Airline."

Oh Christ, I think, my pulse beginning to race before I dare take a look.

Flipping to page 40, there's the mustachioed Pelton looking every bit the quintessential battle-hardened correspondent. ("Robert Young Pelton is the man most guys think they are after slamming two tequilas." -- Tim Cahill.) Underneath the photo are his "Worst of the Worst" airline picks, though the word "dangerous," despite the brazen cover tease, is not again mentioned.

Pelton's choice for the category of "Worst Antiquated Airline" is Ariana, the national carrier of Afghanistan. Right away I'm peeved. Strikes me the qualifiers "worst" and "antiquated" are bit of a redundant pairing, and what should we expect of a tiny carrier from a nation recently subject to invasion and round-the-clock bombardment?

"It's the only airline with more planes crashed on the ground than flying in the air," joshes Pelton. In fact, other than an accident in 1998, I don't know of any Ariana crashes having occurred in recent years. Any destroyed hulls seen on the Kabul tarmac are war-related casualties. The latest fleet list data shows Ariana, founded in 1956 and once a partner with Pan Am, in possession of eight planes, including three Boeing 727s and three Airbus A300s.

Then we have "Worst Airport." Pelton gives it to Bamako, Mali. "A crowded, smelly shack next to a potholed runway." Having ridden Air France to Mali a few years ago, I'll vouch that the facilities at BKO aren't exactly posh. Neither are they squalid by any stretch, and it's tough to believe that Pelton, for all his exploits in the globe's most forlorn corners, couldn't have found a worse spot. (Also in Mali, I'll add, and as detailed in my book, the airport at Timbuktu is rather fetching.)

As for the grand prize, "Worst Airline, Period," the nomination goes to Pakistan International Airlines. "A true third world experience," Pelton writes. "Runaway snack carts; people eating spaghetti with their hands."

This one bugs me more than the others. I've never ridden with the Pakistani carrier, but I have a very hard time accepting Pelton's caricature, which belies PIA's actual existence as, for lack of a better term, a serious airline.

PIA began flying in 1947, and today operates a 54-strong fleet to more than 30 countries, including newly introduced 777 service to Houston. At its Karachi headquarters PIA owns a modern training facility used by airlines from Africa, South Asia and elsewhere. It was among the first to install a video cockpit security system, and is slated to be one of the launch customers for the new, super-long-range Boeing 777-200LR.

Service-wise, while not on par with the better-known Asian carriers -- its inflight entertainment suite features an Urdu sitcom channel -- few judge PIA's economy class, particularly on longer routes, any worse than those of United, Northwest or American. Some of the feedback on Skytrax is quite complimentary.

Pelton's amusing description likely speaks of a short-haul leg into the Hindu Kush rather than one of the airline's signature routes abroad. An extensive domestic network reaches the country's most remote regions.

Even so. Snack carts? Spaghetti? Sounds like the Queen Mary compared to what we're used to in the United States. Heck, I'll eat with my hands. At least there's food.

- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -

Do you have questions for Salon's aviation expert? Send them to AskThePilot and look for answers in a future column.

Editor's note: This story has been corrected since its original publication.

Recent Stories