Thursday, May 15, 2008
Free mandatory screenings of this upbeat, people-positive documentary improve America's economic outlook!
Jul 6, 2004 | From Pet Goat Studios, a subsidiary of Triumph of the Bull Productions, comes the best picture since "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," reports the Joint Secretaries of Pollyannattacks, Sleepy, Dopey and Michael Eisner.
Hailed by newly hired movie reviewers everywhere as "one of the coziest, happiest, and fuzziest films of the year," "Scare 'n Hype 411" is a kindly examination of the good times ushered in by the Bush administration's economic policies and other smart moves.
According to an exclusive in Us & Them magazine, the Carlyle Group will sponsor free mandatory screenings of the film everywhere from now through November, with a 24-hour gala marathon set for Nov. 2.
The movie uses a combination of comforting narrative and subliminal Terror Alerts to tell the heartwarming story of families who are doing just fine, thank you very much.
The movie also takes on many stereotypes about wealthy Americans, allowing them to set the record straight once and for all.
"I would say we're comfortable," a man corrects a panhandler who has maliciously wedged himself under the man's speeding BMW. Shortly afterward, single mothers and developing nations are unmasked by detectives as the true culprits responsible for unleashing the deadly poverty virus on an unsuspecting public. Jesus Christ makes a brief cameo appearance to explain that his Sermon on the Mount was just a harmless prank and that his real agenda was to share the good word about the resurrection of tax cuts.
"After all," says the BMW driver, "if the common good were available to just anybody, who would appreciate it?"
Speaking in curiously flat tones, tens of thousands of people who left theaters opening night told reporters, "All people in all places at all times must see this movie."
Many viewers were moved by a scene in which Mr. Average (played by Bruce Willis) tells Mrs. Average (played by Britney Spears), "Honey, you can stop going to town to sell your brain as a common scientific researcher into global climate change. I got me a job manufacturing burgers. All we need now is faith, a health savings account, and a permanent tax cut for the nice folks who live on the hill."
The camera pulls back to reveal the Average family gazing serenely up at the hill, as the father says proudly, "Some day, kids, all that trickle-down will be yours."
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