Overtime? We don't pay no stinkin' overtime!

"I never said--"

"And I, sir, am merely offering 'suggestions.' Now if you don't know what a suggestion is, I would be perfectly affable to the philosophical notion of dropping by to make its acquaintance with your miserable little Chia Pet planter of a skull."

"No, no, that's quite all right."

"Good, we understand each other. Any other questions you got some earnest need to share with me?"

"Well, I am a little confused. I mean, doesn't the mission statement of the Labor Department talk about, um, protecting the rights of workers, including their rights to overtime pay? It's just that, uh, I thought that the whole reason for the Labor Department was a half century of progressive campaigning on behalf of the hardworking American, and that the Department's very purpose, since it was established in 1913, was to 'promote the welfare of job seekers, wage earners, and retirees of the United States by improving their working conditions, advancing their opportunities for profitable employment, protecting their retirement and health care benefits, helping employers find workers, [and] strengthening free collective bargaining.'"

"Oh, wise guy, eh? Hey, Fats, we got a live one here! Thinks we oughta protect the workers. Listen up, Kewpie doll. If they want protection, they can pay for protection. We're tryin' to make you a deal here."

"But aren't you making life harder for workers and their families?"

"Don't tell us about the family, we are the family, you got that? We take care of our own, and you know somethin'? I'm startin' to feel like you might not be our own. Are you, by any chance, wearin' a wire?"

"A wire? What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you wired in, findin' facts, downloadin' Chomsky, registered to vote -- that's what I mean, pal. Cause we're tryin' to help you help us, and we don't need you stirrin' up trouble over it."

"No, I was just -- what about -- aren't there any safeguards?"

"Yeah, yeah. We got your back. It may seem illegal to cut workers' pay to avoid payin' overtime, but as our broad Tammy explained -- that's Ms. Tammy McCutcheon to you, knucklehead, she's an architect of the plan -- if changes were made from week to week to avoid overtime, then, yeah, that would be illegal. However, if you do it to somebody all at once, no worries."

"But--"

"But nothin'. Like the lady sez to the press, we had a lotta lawyers look at this rule. We would not've put nothin' in there if we thought it was illegal. Unless you got a contract, there is no legal rule prohibiting an employer from either raisin' your salary or cuttin' your salary. And like Tammy sez, 'We do not anticipate employers will cut people's pay.'"

"She said that? With a straight face?"

"Sure, why not, it's all just harmless information. Now, if you as a business owner decide to do somethin' with this info, that's up to you. We're clean. We got nothin' to do with it. What kind of work are you in, anyway?"

"Waste management consultant. Why?"

"I knew it! Hey, Fats, didn't I tell you this caller was a goody two-shoes?"

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