Sunday, Jul 6, 2008
Our intrepid reporter visits a yoga class that promises to awaken the parts "down there" and finds that it helps if your teachers are hotties.
Jan 6, 2004 |
Yoga -- will we ever really understand it? Once the domain of what used to be called New Age types, the discipline is now practiced by an estimated 20 million Americans, according to something I read on the Internet somewhere. That means that up to 7 percent of the population could be running around in tights as you read this. Still, yoga somehow managed to elude me. That is, until I discovered a new regimen called Better Sex Through Yoga. Then it started to make a whole lot of sense.
Don't get me wrong -- it's not as though I'm necessarily "getting any," as the young people like to say. But the next time I get called into active duty, I want to be ready. Really, really ready.
Designed to "give your body an entirely new sexual awareness," the Better Sex Through Yoga routine (with accompanying DVD collection), was created by licensed Chinese acupressure therapist and certified yoga instructor Jacquie Noelle and fellow yoga devotee Garvey Rich in 2002. San Francisco Bay Area resident Noelle stumbled upon the idea almost by accident. Having been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome in 1999, Noelle found herself largely bedridden for two years. In an effort to rectify the situation, she embraced a daily yoga routine. Not only did it gradually restore her energy but -- as in most things that involve a fair amount of gyrating -- she also began to notice improvements in her sexual well-being.
At around the same time, New York City resident Rich was doing a little yoga research of his own. He too began to notice a few changes "down there." One thing led to another, and here I am standing between them in the Manhattan apartment of Better Sex Through Yoga associate and video series costar Jennifer Langheld, trying to find out what the deal is.
Under the guise of journalism, I have persuaded Noelle, who is in New York on a promotional tour, to give me a free hour of personal instruction. To say I am excited is an understatement. Not only will this be my first yoga experience, but as far as women in tight clothing with whom I'd like to be trapped alone in a room go, both Noelle and Langheld are exceptional candidates. They are quite beautiful and, in their tight workout clothes, are showing off bodies that make yoga seem like perhaps the best invention ever. True, Rich is joining us in the workout, but with a bit of imagination and the nonnegotiable demand that he set down his yoga mat several feet behind mine, I am able to convince myself that it's just me and, you know, the two chicks, working together in the name of sexual awareness.
We start off with some light stretching exercises. As some sort of hyper-sexual remix of the Doors' classic "Riders on the Storm" plays on a nearby boombox, we stand on our mats, breathing slowly and deeply, alternately bending over and reaching toward the ground and stretching our hands and arms over our heads. This series of movements is known in yoga circles as a "sun salutation."
"The sun salutations help to warm the body as well as establish connections with heaven and earth," Noelle explains. I'm not sure what this has to do with my penis, but for some reason I'm willing to do pretty much anything Noelle tells me to do, so I just go along with it.
Get Salon in your mailbox!