Before embarking on surrogate therapy, Roger felt he had to tell his parents. "We're close -- and not close. It's like a business relationship, which might explain why I'm good at business relationships, but no good at intimate ones. I told my parents I was taking a two-week vacation to do something unusual. When I explained, they were surprised, shocked. I'd never told them I was a virgin, and they'd never asked. I left a copy of Vena's Internet interview with my mother. She wrote me a note expressing concern and support. My father had no reaction and has never mentioned it."

Last July Blanchard flew to Florida. Roger took two weeks' vacation, and spent about $8,300 for her transportation, hotel and fee. He felt excited to meet her, but also apprehensive. "Initially, most clients feel anxious," Blanchard explains. "They don't know what to expect. But in deciding to work with a surrogate, they've already confessed their big, dark secret. They don't have to hide anymore, and that's very liberating. They quickly discover that surrogate work is a slow, gentle process of building relationship skills. I don't promise they'll have relationships, just that they'll feel more comfortable with the process of trying."

Over several daily three-hour sessions, Blanchard and Roger talked extensively about his life, past and present, and Blanchard directed him in relaxation and touching exercises. "First, she had me touch an apple, then a comb, then other objects to experience what sensual touch feels like." They talked about what he felt. "Next, she asked me to touch my own arms and face." They talked some more. Then she offered her hands, arms and eventually her face for him to explore, and she touched his arms, feet and face.

"Gentle, nurturing touch is new for most older virgins," Blanchard explains. "Many don't recall ever being touched that way before by anyone. Imagine what it must feel like never to have known gentle touch, and then to have someone hold your hand, stroke your arm, run their fingers through your hair. It's a profound experience. Often, clients cry."

Meanwhile, every afternoon, Roger met with his psychotherapist, and discussed what had happened that morning. "Vena asked good questions and was a very good listener," he explains, "but it helped to have someone else listening to me and asking questions, too. I needed the extra support and perspective."

Weston says it's important to have a therapist back up the surrogate. "Many older virgins can hardly believe it when they kiss a woman's lips or touch her breasts or vulva. I reassure them, 'Yes, it really did happen. You really did that.'"

Blanchard talked with Roger's psychotherapist daily. She also provided Roger with basic sex education. Many older virgins have never had much, she says. "I often lend them books written for adolescents because developmentally, around sex, that's how old they feel." Blanchard also answers clients' sex questions: Does my penis look weird? What's a tampon? How do you unfasten a bra? What's the real story about the clitoris, G-spot, and women's orgasms?

As their sensual explorations continued, Blanchard told Roger she was open to becoming more intimate, but that she had one firm rule: Before every move they would both ask the other's permission and would absolutely respect each other's answers. He agreed. Roger asked if they might kiss. Blanchard consented, but first instructed him to practice by kissing his own arm, then hers, and finally her lips. "At first, kissing felt very awkward," he explains. "I'd never kissed anyone before." Andrews encountered the problem many young teens have with kissing -- where your nose goes. "Vena showed me how to position my head and lips so our noses didn't get in the way." They practiced kissing quite a bit. "As I relaxed, I began to enjoy it. Kissing is great." But they stuck to lip kissing with closed mouths, no tongue action. "I didn't feel comfortable with open-mouth kissing."

Eventually, Blanchard suggested they discuss the possibility of undressing. "That was nerve-racking," Roger recalls. "I was a blubbering fool for a few minutes." So Blanchard encouraged him to imagine how disrobing would feel. They discussed it. She asked how far he wanted to go with undressing. The first time, Roger chose to stop at their underwear. "I really wanted to see her breasts and genitals, but I didn't want her to see my erection." They stood facing each other, Roger in his bulging shorts, Blanchard in a bra and panties. "She talked me through looking at her body. I looked at her hair, eyes, nose, shoulders, and on down, scanning everything very slowly and methodically, getting accustomed to it." The next day, Roger felt comfortable getting completely undressed and revealing his erection. "It was fine. It just took me a little while to get used to the idea." Next they spent time looking at each other together in the mirror. "Seeing himself in the mirror next to a friendly naked woman helped make it real for him," Blanchard recalls.

Once they both felt comfortable being naked together, Blanchard eased Roger into mutual whole-body massage. Roger caressed her face, arms, belly, legs -- and eventually, with Blanchard's permission, her breasts. "Touching her breasts," he recalls, "was very intense. Vena's breasts are fantastic. I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world to touch a woman there." Eventually their massage exercises included genital caressing with lubricant.

Roger continued to see his psychotherapist daily. "It was very valuable. I can't overemphasize it. She helped me process things and gave me great feedback about what was happening with Vena."

Roger felt uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex, so they didn't explore it. But by the end of his second week with Blanchard, he asked if they might have vaginal intercourse. Some surrogates don't do this, but Blanchard agreed. "The intercourse itself was not that big a deal," Roger explains. "I mean, I was glad to have it. I was glad I wasn't a virgin anymore, that I'd finally 'done it.' But I didn't need it more than once. Our whole process of becoming physically intimate and talking about it was much more important to me. I felt freed from some of my shame about being so naive and confused about sex. I actually enjoyed whole-body massage more than I enjoyed intercourse, especially touching Vena's face and breasts."

But finally having intercourse was important to Roger in another way: "Once I'd done it, I felt I could move on and think about dating and getting into a relationship."

One potential hazard of surrogate work for older virgins is the possibility of falling in love with the surrogate partner. This is not surprising. The surrogate knows their terrible secret and doesn't think the less of them. She is friendly, supportive, and willing to become physically intimate. But Roger did not fall in love with Blanchard. "She's very attractive, but I was clear that ours was a professional relationship. I consider her a friend, and hope she thinks the same of me."

During their last few days together, Blanchard and Roger talked a great deal about his next step -- dating. "It's hard for me to imagine," Roger says. "People say: Just do it, just ask someone out. But I'm still so shy, so inexperienced. The prospect is frightening." Blanchard suggested some books for him to read, among them, "Dating for Dummies." And he's been discussing the challenges of dating with his psychotherapist as well.

Weston says dating issues are a major stumbling block for older virgins who have completed surrogate therapy. "I support them to date," she says. "I help them figure out their best approach. Some want to place personals ads. I help them write their ads and respond to anyone who contacts them. Some want to use professional matchmaking services. I help them with their personal profiles. Some like speed dating, where a roomful of singles spend five minutes with each other and afterward declare who they'd like to see again. If there's a match, the service puts the two people in touch. And when clients begin dating, I help them evaluate the relationship and decide if they should pursue it. It's often slow going, but most of my older-virgin clients have dated and had relationships."

"I can't claim that every guy I've worked with has fallen in love and gotten married," Blanchard says, "but I've received quite a few wedding and birth announcements."

Roger says he's "getting ready to date." He's working to quit smoking, and he's drinking less. "They're bad habits that turn women off." He's decided not to place or answer any personals. "They're too impersonal. I want human contact." He's toying with joining a gym, in part to meet women and in part to break the habit of his isolated evening ritual. He plans to join a scuba club that caters to singles. And he says he's intrigued by speed-dating.

Roger is still processing his work with Blanchard and doesn't know how he'll fare in the dating game. But already, he says, he feels better about himself. "Working with Vena has made a big difference in my life. I'm less ashamed of my sexlessness. I don't feel so stigmatized, or as naive about how intimate relationships work. I've realized that T&A is much less important than sensual touch. I was surprised how much I enjoyed the nonsexual touching we did. I feel more open to other people than I ever have. I feel like a real person now, like I'm becoming a citizen of the world."

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