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Monday, Nov 9, 2009
Want to get off watching fornicating office chairs or "hot gay teen lawn chair sluts"? Check out Furniture Porn!
Mar 6, 2002 | Is it hot in here? Or is it just ...
My chair, baby!
I think it's me, because I've been spending a little too much time at Furniture Porn, which is not the Ikea home page -- though that's pretty hot, too, in a cool, Scandinavian kind of way if you know what I mean and I think you do -- but is in fact a porn site, sort of, where you can watch pieces of furniture, usually chairs, having sex with each other.
Yes, I am feeling OK, thank you. Why do you ask?
Furniture porn has a little something for everyone, as long as we define everyone as those people who like to look at pictures of chairs posed in such a way that it looks like they're doing the seat-cushion mambo.
There's Lance, a "virile overstuffed armchair," in the full upright and locked position with Debbi, "a pink baroque beauty." "When the owner's away, wow, do they play!!!" There's the bondage chair, a simple black model bound with rope because, apparently, "Baby did a bad, bad thing." There's something for those with a taste for the wild side -- "hot gay teen lawn chair sluts!" There's even a furniture porn movie and a treat for those with an eye for celebrity sex: In a Furniture Porn exclusive, "Chairlie's Angels" -- director's chairs with the names "Barrymore," "Diaz" and "Liu" stenciled on their backrests -- sizzle salaciously by the seashore.
And there are links to unrelated sites with similar sensibilities, such as Prawnography and Playcow, which features Playcows of the Month Jenny McCowthy and Pamoola Anderson.
Furniture Porn is the brainchild of T. Mike Childs, a member of the Los Angeles sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs and also the father of the Rocklopedia Fakebandica, which contains "all the fictional bands and singers from TV and movies listed in one convenient, scarily obsessive place."
Hoping he won't say anything I don't want to picture as I drift off at night, my naked buttocks dangerously close to a mattress and box spring that for all I know is wanted on a morals charge relating to an incident with an end table in Tennessee, I ask Childs how he came up with the idea for Furniture Porn.
