Thursday, Jul 24, 2008
I lusted after another woman, and told my wife about it.
Sep 6, 2001 | When we had been married maybe three years, the desire-difference issue reappeared in a particularly painful way. The publisher I worked for was swallowed by another, and the new house sent a team of consultants to smooth the transition. I was less than thrilled about being acquired. I feared for my job and gave the consultants a wide berth for several months. But the dust settled, I kept my job, things returned to normal, and my colleagues and I became more comfortable with the consultants.
I felt particularly taken with one of them, a woman about my age (early 30s). We flirted, then had lunch, then made regular lunch dates. Electricity was in the air. The consultant, Paulette, was as married as I was. But she and her husband lived far away. She was in New York for the consulting job. She hadn't seen him for weeks. And she was horny. She made it abundantly clear that I was invited to spend the night at her hotel. And we both knew the clock was ticking. Soon the job would be over and she would return home. I wanted to fuck Paulette -- badly. I could think of little else. But I didn't want to cheat on Elly. So I told my wife about my lust.
I'm not sure why I raised the subject. If I fell in lust with another woman today, I doubt I'd say a word. But back then, I was young and idealistic. I believed naively in total marital honesty. Paulette was on my mind a great deal, and one night I just blurted it out. Elly and I wound up having a long talk about my extramarital yearnings.
Ever since Elly's libido had dried up, she'd been saying: Sex is no big thing. I love you. Isn't that enough? Now I got to turn those words back on her: I love you, too. And I agree: Sex is no big thing. So you shouldn't mind me fucking Paulette for the next few weeks until she goes home.
Well, guess whose opinion quickly turned 180 degrees. Suddenly sex was a big thing to Elly. She was not the least bit into my fucking Paulette. I confess I enjoyed rubbing her nose in her hypocrisy. She asked me not to fuck Paulette. Then she begged. I reveled in my power over her. Of course, there was no way she could stop me if I decided to fuck Paulette. But we both knew that I would be risking our marriage if I did.
I was overwhelmed by lust for Paulette. She was a very sexy woman. And, unlike my wife, Paulette actively desired me, was pursuing me, kept whispering in my ear how much she wanted to fuck me. I loved it. And Elly had to deal with it.
All of a sudden, Elly became the sex-crazed gal she'd been those first 18 months. She was all over me just about every night. I loved that, too. But I also decided to do it with Paulette. In part I was reacting to Elly's and my long battle over our desire difference. It was my revenge for Elly's loss of interest. In part I felt flattered by Paulette's aching desire for me. And in part I was simply consumed by lust. A few years ago, John Hiatt had a song with the line: "I'm so easily led/When the little head does the thinking." Women talk about men who "think with their dicks." With Paulette's smoldering sexuality within arm's reach, I guess the little head was doing the thinking.
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