Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 22, 2009
Dear Cary,
I am a 26-year-old single heterosexual male having an affair with a 36-year-old married female co-worker with two children, ages 8 and 11. This began four and a half months ago when I escalated our weeks-long flirting to a kissing/groping session in my office at 6:30 a.m. (we both arrive at the office early by choice). After 24 hours of anticipation, our first sexual encounter occurred in my office the next morning on my desk. All subsequent sex took place in my apartment over our lunch hour until three weeks ago.
Her motives for getting into this: 1) retribution against her husband, 39, who has cheated on her at least twice that we know of, most recently a year ago with a 22-year-old; 2) she has been cut off at home, since her husband now finds her completely undesirable; 3) the thrill of breaking a taboo/sneaking around -- her family is Hispanic, conservative, and very Catholic, so in her world, when the husband cheats, it's a nuisance, but when the wife cheats, it's a serious transgression; 4) attention from the only young, decent-looking guy in our 50-person office.
My motives are the obvious: no-strings sex with a woman I'm interested in.
Problem No. 1: She has grown increasingly insistent over the past three weeks that we fuck in the office. I have reluctantly indulged her in this, but I am getting very nervous. We have escaped detection so far through luck and caution -- neither of us has told anyone (I think), and we staged a public disagreement at work three weeks into our affair to further deflect suspicions. We are now very cold to each other at work, which, incidentally only makes the sex hotter for both of us. When confronted, she has admitted that the possibility of discovery gives her a taboo-shattering thrill.
Discovery of our tryst in the office would probably mean termination for both of us, and an expensive divorce and Stalingrad-like custody battle for her. On the occupational side, she views her job as nice but ultimately fungible because she is good with computers. My job is of the long-hours/high-pay variety (I'm in a senior, but not supervisory, position to her), and I am lucky to have it, and I doubt I could find another as good. On the home front, the possibility of a divorce and custody fight scares her so shitless that she can barely bring herself to think about it.
My point? I'm ready to cash in my chips here. We've had a nice run, and no one has gotten hurt (so far). However, when I raised the possibility of ejecting, she became agitated and not-so-subtly threatened to expose me at work. When I pointed out that this might have negative repercussions for her too, she claimed to have convinced herself that everyone at work could find out but she could still keep it from her husband and family, which strikes me as just plain coco-loco. (I think the prospect of being rejected and humiliated by her husband and me is very painful for her.)
Problem No. 2: (Get ready to suppress a groan) I'm a classic male commitment-phobe. I tend to pursue married and/or unavailable women because I have found that women are less eager to demand a husband and kids when they have them already. However, I'm worried that I'm starting to fall for her (despite her obvious mental instability), which kills me, of course, because I know that if I went public on her, she would deny everything. We've never discussed it, of course, because I can't bring myself to force her to lie to me or, even worse, tell me the truth.
Any practical advice on how to fuck in the office and escape detection? And any larger advice on a way to extricate myself from this mess that does not end with termination/divorce for her and termination/job at the supermarket for me?
Adulterer
Dear Adulterer,
I think you have to break it off with her immediately and take your chances. I don't think she'll expose you. Her threat is probably part of her erotic role-playing. If you remove the erotic element, the threat will probably evaporate. But if she does expose you, that's the price you have to pay, because this is about more than you and her. It's about her kids.
I have to say, in fact, that I think you're being unfair -- not to the woman you're fucking on your desk, but to her children, 8 and 11, whom you're using as a sort of a human shield. To maintain your own freedom, you've stacked the deck, buying immunity from commitment with the threat of a family tragedy. You're using her kids as insurance for your own personal amusement. I don't think it's admirable of you.
Do you understand how damaging it could be to a child to learn that the poverty she is enduring with her now single parent came about because her mother was fucking some man on his desk in his office and was discovered by the cleaning lady, or the security guard, or by her boss? Children do come to learn these things. The possible disruption and damage to her kids make your behavior verge on the criminally irresponsible.
So here is what I suggest: Meet with her privately away from the office and break it off with her. Stop arriving at work before others. Make sure the office is full of people when you arrive. Begin keeping your office door open all the time. Prop it open with bricks if necessary. If anyone asks, say it's for ventilation. If she enters your office, don't allow her to close the door.
And hope for the best.
