Big issues, big answers

Not enough sex, too much sex -- and what to do with a man who insists on baby talk with his teen girls?

By Cary Tennis

Jul 9, 2002 | Dear Cary,

I recently married a very good man, and we have been fairly happy for the past two years. However, I am having a problem with his parenting style. He has two daughters from a previous marriage, ages 15 and 12. They stay with us every other weekend, which is fine. However, he insists on reading them a bedtime story before they go to sleep and then tucking them in with a goodnight kiss. They seem to enjoy it, but they do regress and talk baby talk with a high-pitched voice, lisp, batting the eyelashes, pouting, etc.

This really annoys me. We have talked about it, but he hangs on to this ritual like it is the Holy Grail. These girls wear bras and use eye shadow, for Pete's sake! He fawns over them and talks to them like they are 5 years old. It makes me want to throw up. I thought that they would grow out of this infantile behavior (hubbie included), but it is just not happening. I have two children of my own from a previous marriage. They are now grown and living on their own, so I am not a stranger to child rearing. I am by nature an affectionate person, but this is just too icky for me. What is your take on the situation?

Icky

Dear Icky,

I'm rather charmed by the situation. I grieve for the sweetness of my childhood, and this sounds unutterably sweet to me. These kids have been through a divorce and maybe some of their childhood got lost and maybe it's comforting for them to revert a little. Maybe it's the best part of their dad that they're getting and they don't want to let it go yet. They'll grow up, just maybe not as quickly as you think they should. Eventually they will! And then you'll wish for those icky sweet girls.

But how can I help you get over your revulsion? Hmmm. Learning to be cheerfully wrong might help. Could you keep your revulsion but categorize it as a cheerfully perverse and wrongheaded revulsion that is yours unashamedly and yours alone? Say it's like my revulsion for U2. They make me want to throw up. I'm reasonably certain that they're the most bombastic and annoying rock band in the world. But the people I love, love U2. So I let it go because I love them. I don't say anything about it. Love them, love U2. Or at least: Love them, shut up about U2. Love him, love his daughters. Or at least shut up about it.

When the daughters tell him to stop, he'll probably stop. Maybe then he'll come and read you a bedtime story, tuck you in and give you a kiss.

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