The old excuses

Dear Cary,

Recently I started dating a man I think is fantastic. He's funny, smart, sincere, shy, good-looking, and even wears the sorts of shirts I like. He gets what is cool about me in a truly unique way. He knows why it's cool that I drink beer instead of wine, he digs my penchant for bad '50s sci-fi, and he even laughs at the obviously fake personal ads that I sometimes place in our local paper. We have loads in common and make each other laugh.

My concern has to do with our chemistry. It's not absent but it's not extremely strong from my side. He doesn't seem to feel the same way at all. When we smooch (and a bit more) he gets extremely turned on. I like smooching him too, but it's not close to some of the knee-buckling smooches I've experienced with various men from my past.

Now, I think that part of this has to do with his experience level. We're both religious, but I converted recently and he's always been religious, so I'm far more experienced than he is. I'm sure that if given the chance, he'd be an ideal pupil -- he's both logical and emotional, and definitely has a passion for mastering whatever he likes to do.

Will improved technique solve the problem? And if not, can chemistry come in a bit later, or is it just something that some people have and some people don't?

Unable to Come Up With a Good Name to End This

Dear Unable,

All I am is a pretty good guesser. You climb three flights to my office in the Tenderloin and I'm sitting at my desk in the travertine-colored early morning light, head in hands, cursing the Rubik's cube, which I cannot solve. On my wall is just one diploma from the Institute of Pretty Good Guessing in Vienna, W.V. And I can't even buy you a cup of coffee to talk over your problems because a stripper took all my money when I failed to guess her weight and she never did perform the therapeutic Australian bone-tickle she had promised. That's about what you're getting here. Of course, you're getting it for free and I try to make it painless.

By the powers vested in me, I'm guessing that you'll experience some knee-buckling if it's just a matter of harder, softer, up an inch, use your tongue, no not there. The trick, of course, is to make learning fun. If it gets too pedagogical, he'll quit your piano lessons and go back to throwing his baseball against the wall of the garage, if you catch my drift.

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