Sunday, Jul 20, 2008
If a guy ever really does say, "It's not you, it's me," it might be worth a stay in jail for a shot at his balls.
Jul 2, 2002 |
Dear Cary,
Recently I suffered my first breakup, with the first person I ever felt comfortable enough to date (for six months -- I've known him for about a year) and to have sexual relations with at my old geezer age of 22. He was innocent and sweet, and he appreciated my sense of humor and goofy mannerisms. It might have remained a simple and clean break if I had not found out that he told everyone else that it was over a month before he told me. I found this out later, after he told me it was over. When he finally did tell me, he said that since he knew he had a particular life plan -- moving far away -- he didn't want to hurt me later.
He went on and on about how I deserve better, if I want a commitment I deserve that, and blah blah blah. Finally I got it out of him that he was scared, that he didn't want to be attached, that it was really all about him in the end. I'm having a rough time. I knew the relationship would never work, because we have different plans for our lives. He wants to settle out West; I want to return to school and then see where life takes me after that.
He's also determined to live his own life his own way without the responsibilities of marriage or kids, while I'm almost agreeable to the point (kids? no kids? to me it's all God's will) where no one even bothers asking me what I want to do because I'll just go with it. I'm opinionated, I'm strong, but I'm also very mindful of others, almost to a fault, I guess. I derive my happiness from making others laugh at and with me. Anyway, this whole moving-on thing is so new to me. Any suggestions about how to keep myself from kicking his balls in the event I see him again?
Passive on the Brink of Aggression
Dear Passive on the Brink,
One way to keep yourself from kicking him in the balls would be to carefully review your state's penal code. Lame breakup is probably not a defense against battery. But you're not alone in wanting to kick him in the balls. There's nothing wrong with wanting to kick him in the balls. His breakup speech was way lame. It's hard to believe he actually used a variation of the "It's not you, it's me" speech.
You have experienced your first heartbreak and it wasn't even handled that well, so you've got a right to be angry and sad. The desire for ball-breaking seems to follow failed romance like coffee and cheesecake follow lomo saltado. It's something everybody goes through. It's dreadful and unforeseen and nothing anybody can say can make it much better. It's what all the songs and the movies are about. So welcome to the world of us who have been hurt. Life is dangerous and full of pain, so keep your eyes open. And if a guy ever really does say, "It's not you, it's me," it might be worth a stay in jail for a shot at his balls. Just don't tell him I said so.
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