Dear Cary,

There is a girl in my life who I have known for seven years and have been crazy about since the day I met her. Everything about her drives me wild, but there are a couple of issues that contribute to my reluctance to confess my feelings to her.

Here are the issues:

  1. I'm somewhat of a player, and we have the same group of friends. So obviously she knows this. Ethically I don't really agree with my sex life, but I'm a lush and don't have any willpower. Nonetheless there is no excuse for my behavior. Another part of this is that she is very attractive. So she has all types of playin' smooth-talkin' game-spitting heartbreakers hounding her (I think I fit into her definition of the above). Although my feelings for her are of the deepest sincerity, and sex isn't the first thing on my mind, I fear if I tell her about my feelings she will think that I'm another one of those guys.

  2. Her ex-boyfriend, a very good friend of mine, has some major coping issues. They haven't been together for three years, but despite that, I know that he will hold an extreme amount of contempt for me. He is a very dear friend and I don't want to lose that friendship.

What's love anyway? Does anyone really think about this stuff?

Should I confess and betray my friend? Should I hold back and move on? They say that there's other fish in the sea, but she's the catch of the day.

Indecisive Putz

Dear Indecisive Putz,

I think you stay away from her and broaden your dating field. Right now, you've got a good friend and you're on good terms with this girl. If you go out with her, you're going to damage your relationship with your friend, for starters. And because you drink too much and have no self-control, you're going to be unfaithful to her and damage your friendship with her as well. So very quickly, instead of two pleasant and supportive relationships, you'll have two bitter, hurt people who used to be your friends and now want nothing to do with you. So be smart. Widen your circle of acquaintances. Get out of your neighborhood and find some new girls.

Perhaps this one will eventually marry the best-looking or most promising of the guys who are hounding her. Or perhaps she'll leave your circle altogether for a new life in another city. Either way, if you play it smart, you and she will always be on friendly terms, and you can look at her all you like.

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