Advice is like coleslaw

My lover turns to his old girlfriend for relationship advice even though it hurts my feelings.

By Cary Tennis

Jun 18, 2002 |

Dear Cary,

When my fiancé and I have trouble, he goes to his old girlfriend to talk about it. In fairness, he and I discuss our problems. However, when there is a relationship-threatening issue, he withdraws from me and refuses to talk. Then he runs to her. He says they are just good friends now.

In as grown-up and civil a way as I possibly could, considering I am hurt by this, I suggested that perhaps he hoped to gain sympathy from her and rekindle their romance. He denied this. I'd like to believe him, but I'm having some difficulty in the faith department. But I also believe that a man and a woman can have a friendship that is not a romantic and/or sexual relationship as well.

I'm writing to you for an objective opinion and your mom's coleslaw recipe. OK, maybe just the opinion/advice.

Confused

Dear Confused,

My mom's coleslaw recipe is kind of bland but very healthy, like my advice sometimes.

It's upsetting when a man returns to his former lover for advice in times of crisis. He should write to me instead. In the meantime, until he sees the error of his ways, one way to cure him of it would be for you to go to his ex-lover for advice as well. Ask her for advice about him. She will be more than happy to give you some. When he finds out, it will screw up his head. Not only will he be afraid to tell her things that might get back to you (the only things worth telling an ex-girlfriend anyway), but the sense of security he finds with her, the comfort of regression, and perhaps even his secret hope for a reunion will disappear. Your scent will be there. It will be like you peed on her tree.

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