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Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009
I'm pregnant, but I'm not sure if it's my husband's or my friend's, with whom I had a one-night stand.
May 21, 2002 | Dear Cary,
These days with high airport security, how does one travel discreetly with their toys?
T
Dear T,
You mean sex toys, right? Myself, I don't exactly travel with sex toys. I just bring clothes and toiletries and things to read. But I would think if you put your sex toys in your checked luggage, your privacy wouldn't be affected now any more than it was before Sept. 11. Restraint devices, because of their potential use in an attack, might be viewed with greater suspicion than vibrators or dildos, and whips might actually be viewed as weapons, but I wouldn't think there'd be any problem as long as they're not in the cabin of the airplane.
Check your bags. That's what I would do. I traveled from San Francisco to New York last week and they went through my backpack and me with remarkable attentiveness -- I think the guard had a thing for me, actually -- but I don't think they messed with my checked luggage. I like checking luggage, I must say. I don't get any pleasure out of stuffing bags into the overhead bin. What's the point? I like to walk around the airport with just a knapsack; I don't like wheeling some suitcase around the airport. I say just check it and forget it, and don't put anything in there that you can't afford to lose.
Dear Cary,
My girlfriend and I have been struggling for some time with what we are going to be doing this coming summer. (We are writing this together.) We are currently in college (the same one), and have been going out for three years. In the past couple of months, our relationship has ascended to its greatest heights, and we are both so happy in it.
The conflict is we are each going to a different part of the world for the coming summer. I am her first boyfriend, and we both know she will need some time to gain perspective, apart from me, if this is going to continue to work in the long term. (Is this itself a mistaken assumption?)
But then we both realize that we would be devastated by each other's dalliances, and that this could do nothing but bad things for the relationship ... or would it? At the same time, we both feel that such perspective would be good, but don't want to screw up a really good thing. And if not now, then when will we be ready (if such a thing is necessary)? We are both terribly frustrated and in need of assistance. Please chime in.
Mental Block
Dear Mental Block,
Why don't you both agree, now, that whatever happens in your time apart from each other, you don't have to discuss it upon your return. The important thing is not what happens when you are apart but whether, when you return, you wish to stay together. It sounds like you do. If after three years your relationship has just gotten better, it probably is worth sticking with.
But you are naturally curious about other people and hungry for new experiences, so you might very well experiment even if you feel ambivalent about doing so. Guard against mistaking the intoxication and excitement of new people and new locations for the kind of love you currently have. If you find yourself head over heels over someone you meet while you two are apart, don't think you have to tell your partner all about it. Take some time once you get back to see what happens; if you truly fall in love and can't get the person out of your mind, then you might have to do something. But don't muck it up thinking you have to discuss your private affairs. You don't. Let it be your adventure.
