Insatiable

Dear Cary,

Can you comment on 50-year-old men who go berserk? That have the Dan Rather syndrome -- you know, really cry-ey, very emotional; worse than girls. Is it hormones? I have just finished with one who was this way, and very possessive and manipulative too. He hid it well for a few months, then it all came out. He compromised the safety of some people we were working with in the political realm; it was just unbelievable. I am so shaken and sickened I don't ever want to date a man again. I am 41 and usually have a very good sense of who I am dealing with; this yo-yo fooled me. I want to cap him. Of course I won't but I am enraged and it still hasn't gone away. I tried talking to him but he lives in a world of self-delusion, wants to blame other people for what he did all on his lonesome. What a loss. Any insight you might have would be appreciated.

What's With Them?

Dear What's With Them,

In my private reply to you, I asked if you could supply more details, and since you said you couldn't because you feared compromising the identities of the people involved, I can only comment in a general way. I must admit I'm fascinated by the sense of fiery drama singeing the edges of this cryptic missive. But I have also witnessed with some skepticism the nearly erotic air of drama, martyrdom and victimhood with which some members of fringe political causes justify their impassioned and futile campaigns against intractable powers. So I remain curious about what sort of political realm you were working in, and continue to believe that any real solution to your described troubles lies in the details of what happened between you and this man.

Nevertheless, while I can't say much, I do know about sudden expensive motorcycle purchase syndrome and midlife-onset facial hair. When you realize you'll be 60 in less than a decade, you kind of wig out. Who wouldn't? Men haven't been burdened with age-consciousness their whole lives, so it can hit with the force of a fatal disease when it finally dawns on them.

So you wanted to cap him but you didn't? That was darn nice of you. Tell him not to cry, everything's going to be OK. And go out with younger guys. Their motorcycles are cheaper and they work on them themselves, which purifies the spirit.

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