Insatiable

Dear Cary,

I finished with my long-term boyfriend five months ago (he wanted to get married, I didn't) and have been merrily splashing around the dating pool ever since. When it comes to relationships, I tend to be a 0-to-60-in-10-seconds kind of girl, so I've never really "dated" before. It's great fun! I'm 26, and it finally feels like I've hit my stride.

A few weeks ago, I met a man who makes my heart sing. He's a dreamy but determined green-eyed man of the earth, a proud papa who's prone to making up spontaneous silly songs about his young son. He says he's stayed in past relationships too long, so now he wants to take his time (and a good look around) before making any promises. Fine by me. I'm looking to change my pattern too. I have a bad habit of putting the rest of my life on hold when I'm in love, and right now I really need to finish college and figure out what I want to do when I grow up. He lives 100 miles away, which is a bonus in my book. It means we'll have plenty of time to do our own things should we become each other's main squeeze.

It's been three days since I spent the night with this amazing fella and I'm still glowing. Incredible. I've never felt so comfortable with a new lover. Here's the problem: Now that we've done the deed, I can't shake these nasty twinges of guilt and awkwardness. They're really ticking me off! I don't believe physical intimacy and committed relationships need necessarily go hand in hand. And I'm certain that on both our parts, jumping straightaway into something serious wouldn't work. So why can't I live in the moment and enjoy this sweet, indefinable thing we've got? How do I silence this niggling voice that keeps squawking, "I can't believe you fell for that! Ha ha ha, you're so easy"?

Haranguing Harpy in My Head

Dear Harpy in Your Head,

As far as I can tell, nice guys actually appreciate a woman who jumps into bed with them right away. They don't figure she's some dirty slut. That's old-fashioned. Today they just figure she's smart and has good taste. But you're going to have to walk around containing all these bubbly feelings, and you probably don't have much experience fashioning a steady relationship out of bubbly and effervescent magic.

Just try to remain calm and see where it goes. Sure, you're going to be nervous; just be nervous. If you have twinges of guilt and awkwardness, just have twinges of guilt and awkwardness. You don't have to do anything about them. They're just feelings. It's all quite natural.

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