Insatiable

Isn't it every person's right to indulge themselves when they feel like it?

By Cary Tennis

May 14, 2002 | Dear Cary,

My wife is insatiable, and I can't really keep up with her. OK, this is normally a good thing, am I right, guys? In the real world, I might go days at a time where I won't feel like having sex -- stress from work is usually the reason. Any day that I feel relaxed, I'm usually good to go. But sometimes I'll wake up in the morning (perhaps from having a hot dream) and really be in the mood. Alas, my wife is usually up and out of the house before me and so I'm on my own at that exact moment, and I indulge myself.

I believe it's every person's right to "indulge" themselves as much as they want, but my wife gets angry with me for doing this. She believes I'm wasting my mood bank or sex drive or chi or whatever, which I should be saving up for her. The fact that she even knows I do it surprises me -- I assume she's doing detective work to determine if the lube has been touched. I leave no obvious evidence at the "scene of the crime." I think she's being obsessive, maybe a little nuts. And she'll pout for a whole day or more about this. I certainly don't want to have our sex life reduced to me being her sex slave, but I'm beginning to feel like that. Am I wrong to feel she's being oppressive?

Just a Jerk

Dear Just a Jerk,

Whose penis is it, anyway? It's yours, right? If it's yours, you can do what you want with it, right? Paint it red, white and blue if you want. Perhaps that would appeal to your wife's patriotic instincts, and she would take it upon herself to aid in your morning ministrations.

Unless perhaps she follows Jewish law, which prohibits male masturbation. "In fact," says the Judaism 101 faq,"the prohibition is so strict that one passage in the Talmud states, 'in the case of a man, the hand that reaches below the navel should be chopped off.'" If you see your wife with a cleaver, you know you've got a problem.

But seriously, folks, while it is a commonplace today that masturbation is perfectly OK and does not unduly deplete the male energy or whatever, it is not wholly unreasonable for a partner to feel that the sex one has with oneself represents a refusal to give of the self to the other. I would be sensitive to such feelings, even if it may also feel as though your wife is being controlling or crossing some boundary of privacy. It's not for nothing that the world's great religions have concerned themselves with this matter. It is not trivial. So keep those hands above the covers! (Just kidding. It's your penis. Do what you want to do.)

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