Boys will be boys

Our advice man holds forth on how to get a date before we all die, husbands who chew their tongues, how to put the thrill back in a marriage and why kissing is "yucky."

By Cary Tennis

Oct 23, 2001 | Dear Cary,

Why am I always the friend and not the girlfriend? I am 31, but look 26. I'm educated, fun, witty, independent, kind, stylish and without children. I'm told by many that I am very pretty, I'm drug- and disease-free and cook a mean lasagna.

Is all this fabulousness intimidating? I get my share of male attention, but it never seems to develop into anything special. The last guy I had my eye on seemed to be very nice. We had a lot in common, he seemed to want to get to know me and spend time with me. But he started blowing me off and then I find out he'd had a girlfriend all along.

I know boys will be boys, but why do so many men present themselves as if they are interested and available, and the minute you show some casual interest, they retreat? How do I meet a fabulous guy to have at least one great date before we meet our feared doom by the terrorists?

Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired,

So how do you develop the kind of intelligence that allows you to discern a man's intentions? And how do you pick the right ones? The right balance of judgment, feeling and intuition is key. Perhaps you have relied too much on emotion and need to step back and do some more analytical and intuitive decision-making. Wanting a man to be the right one can certainly cloud your judgment; if you're impatient, if you've bet on a string of lame horses, you can lose faith and become impatient and reckless, and bet big cash on some true losers.

Try to quiet that little voice that keeps breathlessly asking, "Could he be the one? Could he be the one?" That just makes things worse. Don't panic. Come up with a good long-term strategy. We're not all going to die tomorrow. Settle in and pay attention to being happy on your own until the right man shows up. And then don't fall all over him. Be a careful shopper. Stay in the market through the lows and highs. Make careful comparisons. Do your research. In the end, your heart will make the decision, but without the aid of your spirit and your intellect, your heart is in the wilderness.

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