My perversion

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DIRTY WORDS

Since I hang out mostly with Mexicans in Puerto Perdido, I have the advantage of having a half-dozen teachers of the Spanish language who cost me far less than what I would be paying Berlitz. Even so, when they start in on fast gossip about their loves, we might as well be talking gibberish. I've flunked Spanish in some of the best schools in the United States.

My teachers are persistent, though, and the fact that I might go hungry, or might not have a place to lay my head at night if I don't do my lessons, means that I have a powerful incentive to study. And, unlike those who study at Berlitz, the first words I've had to learn are the scandalous ones, since they're everywhere -- as ubiquitous as the noisy boat-tailed grackles that dominate the fields and trees around us.

As anyone who has seen "El Norte" knows, the daily speech-pattern of your typical Mexican male is top-heavy with what they call "grosermas" -- some of which I understand, many of which I can't make head nor tail of.

For instance, "la verga" seems to put in an appearance at least once in every sentence of your average field worker, taxi driver or fisherman. Most Spanish-English dictionaries define this as "the top mast of a sailing vessel," which is not, I believe, what Juan is speaking about when he bangs his finger with the hammer. One dictionary, trying to be more daring, defines it as "the male organ of reproduction" which is, I suppose, somewhere in the ballpark, but still misses the rich directness of the word.

In the honest and refreshing "Cassell's Colloquial Spanish" we find the following: "I include it with diffidence," writes author Bryson Gerrard. "If you go to Mexico you are almost sure to hear it, especially the phrase 'Me vale verga,' ('I don't give a damn'), and should perhaps be warned that it is the vulgar word for the male organ. For once it is not a euphemism; it has borne this meaning for several millennia (the latin was 'virga.')"

"Chinga" is another of those catch-all words with endless variations as noun, adjective, adverb, modifier, exclamation and transitive and intransitive verb. It's often linked with "tz madre" -- your mother -- though for most of us the thought of our mothers doing that stretches the imagination somewhat. Indeed, one's mothers and sisters are regularly brought into conversation during byplay between buddies. An example: "tz hermana mi cama" is an old, if tired, friend. It means, "your sister my bed."

"Pendejo" is a much-loved noun, which can also become adjectival, adverbial and exclamatory. It literally means "pubic hair" -- but the meaning is more on the order of "a trouble maker," "a boor" or "a grouch." I have heard it used in relatively polite company, and it has the added advantage of being available in the feminine ("pendeja") or masculine ("pendejo") forms. "Cassell's" says the best definition is "a bloody nuisance."

Much of the banter around here has to do with animals. Being carnally connected to a donkey or a "cuche" -- a pig -- is a guaranteed knee-slapper. And there are the usual variations where other animals are invoked: cows, sheep, goats, occasionally turkeys, chickens and ducks. In fact, one of the more bizarre exchanges came about when our sole female duck started laying eggs.

My workers may be from the country, but they are surprisingly dumb about the facts of life. They think, for example, that a hen or duck has to be mounted to produce eggs. Since our duck (named, of course, Donald) recently started laying eggs, it was decided that someone was feathering her nest.

The blame naturally fell to Poldo, our youngest and horniest worker. To much merriment, one of the others said he was going right down to the local police station to make "una demanda de violar contra Poldo" (an official protest of rape against Poldo) for the violation of Donald.

One of the most confusing words in Spanish is "coger." In most of Latin America it is commonly used meaning "to get." In Mexico, it has a heavier meaning, what -- in his early days of writing -- Norman Mailer used to refer to as "fugging."

"Cassell's" says, "It seems remarkable that so common and useful a verb should have fallen into disgrace ... but it nevertheless remains a fact that visitors are earnestly entreated not to use it ..."

One historian has surmised that "coger" took on sexual overtones some 500 years ago when the Spanish landed in Mexico -- and immediately began to "get" the Indian women. Even now, people from Spain or another Latino country may innocently ask a Mexican waiter to get them a cup of coffee, or ask a maid in a hotel to get another pillow. These requests might well be met with a smirk or a blush.

Like most slang, these scatological words don't make logical sense. "Echar pito" is, literally, "to throw a whistle" (or a cigarette) -- but a "pito" is the male member. A "pucha" is the feminine equivalent, but my dictionary only mentions "pucho" -- "something of little value."

By the way, shortly after the publication of Norman Mailer's "The Naked and the Dead," one of the members of the Algonquin set came up to Mailer at a party and said, "I understand that you're the writer who never learned how to spell 'fuck.'"

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