By any means necessary

Ellen wants kids; Monica's tired of starring in dirty jokes; Dustin Hoffman praises Susan Sarandon's breasts. Plus: Garfield's coming to the big screen; Ozzy Osbourne, family man.

By Amy Reiter

Jan 18, 2002 | If Anne Heche can do it ...

Ellen DeGeneres says she wants to have "at least one child, if not more."

"I want to be a parent one day," DeGeneres tells her activist mother, Betty, in an interview posted on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation's Web site. "I want to do that."

As for the particulars, the out comedian admits she has yet to figure out "the best way to do that."

Or the next best way.

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Jokes that really Lewinsky

"There's a difference between a pleasant joke and a personal joke. The ones that take my last name and equate them to [a sex act] that a lot of people in the world do is a really cruel thing to do."

-- Monica Lewinsky on how it sucks to be the butt of racy jokes, in the New York Post.

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She said, he said

Penelope Cruz may have toppled for Tom Cruise the moment she laid eyes on him on the "Vanilla Sky" set, but he didn't feel that ting in the ding when he first met her.

"We were just colleagues who got on very well together," Cruise recalled in an interview with the German magazine TV Movie.

Now, however, he finds her "irresistible."

"Life is unbelievably fun with her," he gushes. "I often think that it was fate that brought us together."

Whatever.

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Dustin's breast friend

"Susan is a magnificent-looking woman. She loves her t---, and she should! She loves her body and it's catching. She's a sensual being and she will be for the rest of her life."

-- Dustin Hoffman on Susan Sarandon in More magazine.

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