King Kaufman's Sports Daily

Only in the NFL: The Rolling Stones open for Michelle Branch, Ozzy sings a duet with a CEO and, oh yeah, the Patriots just keep on winning. Plus: Week 1 picks.

Sep 9, 2005 | The NFL's "Opening Kickoff" show keeps getting more ambitious, by which I mean schmaltzy.

From its modest beginnings two years ago, when Joe Theismann and Joe Namath traded Hudson Brothers-level jokes and nervous servicemembers introduced musical acts who all performed on the same stage, we've progressed through last year's no-sex-apalooza to an extravaganza featuring the Rolling Stones, Green Day and sundry other stars performing on every open arena stage in the Western world, with fireworks and giant video screens.

And, most impressively, M.C. Freddie Prinze Jr., who at one point deftly handled the requisite transition from whooping fratboy exhortations to somber, caring mode to talk about hurricane relief.

Next year the NFL's opening-night show will include the historic 10th reunion of Destiny's Child -- only the fifth since their actual breakup! Beyoncé Knowles and her pals will perform via satellite on the moon, which will explode at the end of their set.

The league is lobbying to get world governments to pay for the show, threatening to move out of the solar system if a deal can't be reached.

Thursday's program, which preceded the New England Patriots' victory over the Oakland Raiders, offered fans the first genuinely bizarre moment in the three-year history of "Opening Kickoff."

Ozzy Osbourne performed "Crazy Train," which the public-address announcer called the Patriots' "traditional entrance anthem" -- the Pats have been coming out to that song since the Babe Parilli era, you see.

He sang a chorus or two from a stage within a giant football helmet that had opened to reveal him. We haven't gotten to the bizarre part yet. Then Patriots owner Robert Kraft, on a separate stage, introduced the team. The cheerleaders opened a big gate thing on the front of the helmet-stage, and after a burst of dry-ice steam, out came the Super Bowl champs, and Ozzy went back to singing.

So hang on a second. I think we just watched the first duet in history between Ozzy Osbourne and an NFL owner.

This is to say nothing of how the show effectively had the Rolling Stones opening for Michelle Branch.

Performing a duet with Carlos Santana that was almost as entertaining as the Ozzy-Kraft collaboration, Branch stood on this motorized football-shaped stage -- are you getting the football theme here? -- that cruised across the field toward the main stage, not to be confused with the football-helmet stage.

Branch had this look on her face the whole time that was like, "I hope nobody I know sees me on this dumb football float." It had laces painted on it and everything. The stage, not her face.

But I have to give Branch credit for professionalism. She didn't drop a note when the stage swerved to avoid the miniature Stonehenge.

Next Page: Incredibly, a game is played! Plus: Week 1 picks put undefeated prognosticating record at risk

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