Clearly, Benderman did not want to return to military duty in Iraq. But just as clearly, that is not inconsistent with genuine conscientious objection. Soldiers on the battlefield are known to have developed moral opposition to war: It happened many times during the conflict in Vietnam. A handful of soldiers have filed for conscientious objector status since the current Iraq war began.

Stauton Lynd, an attorney with the Center for Constitutional Rights who handles military cases, says that direct experience with war can instigate genuine moral transformations. "It's a legitimate basis for one's claim for conscientious objector status," Lynd said.

But duty and loyalty weigh heavy on Benderman, who comes from a family that boasts a proud military tradition. "You can count back the generations of Bendermans that fought in the American Revolution, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, Korea, Vietnam," the sergeant said. "It's kind of a family history of service in the military."

To be granted conscientious objector status, one of the most important considerations is whether a soldier's "asserted convictions are sincerely held," according to Army regulations. A soldier must be able to convincingly explain his ethical transformation. Benderman said it comes down to firsthand experience. "When you see war for yourself, that's a profound effect. It's not an abstract thought process. You don't know what your thumb feels like smashed with a hammer until you do it. Somebody could tell you all day long, but you don't really know until you do it yourself."

Benderman's experiences in Iraq turned him against not just this war, which for the record he regards as unjustified, but war itself. "I am opposed to all wars," he said. "We should be doing more than teaching young people how to look through the sight of a rifle and kill someone else." In the letter explaining why he refused his second deployment, he wrote, " I was in charge of a group of soldiers that were in their late teens through their early twenties and I had to constantly tell them to keep their heads down because they thought that the war was like the video games that they played back at the barracks. War is not like that at all and until you have the misfortune to engage in it for yourself you cannot begin to understand how insane it all is. There are no restart buttons on reality and that is why I cannot figure out why now we are pursuing such a policy in this day and age. War should be relegated to the shelves of history, as was human sacrifice. If you stop to think about it you become aware that war is just human sacrifice. There is no honor in killing as many as you can as quickly as you can."

Not surprisingly, the Army took a different view. "Two days after I filed my conscientious objector application, the first sergeant of my company called me into his little office and called me a coward," Benderman said.

As Benderman's deployment date approached, and the high stakes became clearer, he wrestled with his convictions. The radio show I work for, "Weekend America," documented his struggle, taping conversations with him each day during the first week of January.

On Tuesday, Jan. 4, Benderman received his orders to report for deployment that Friday. On Wednesday he spent most of the day trying to meet with a chaplain, with no success. "It's like the man's avoiding me," he said. Frustrated, Benderman was leaning toward refusing to deploy. "The thought is running through my head of just telling them no, I'm not going to go."

But on Thursday, Benderman started wavering. A battalion commander, Capt. Gary Rowley, had warned Benderman that he could be charged with violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice for making "disloyal statements" and for showing "disrespect toward a superior commissioned officer," charges that could come with severe penalties, especially in wartime. The military had found Benderman's Internet articles and his radio interview. After his meeting with Rowley, Benderman said, "I guess I'm going to have to deploy."

While Benderman was still trying to speak with a chaplain on Thursday, his wife got a call from Rep. Cynthia McKinney of Georgia, who was returning her call. They talked for an hour. On the next day -- deployment day for Benderman's unit -- McKinney sent a letter to battalion chief Coston: "Given that your upcoming deployment in Iraq is meant to support the establishment of a Constitutional Democracy there, I would hope that Sergeant Benderman's right to conscience, protected by the First Amendment to our own Constitution, will receive the respect it deserves, and that his application for Conscientious Objector status will receive due consideration."

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