There is validation in the reported numbers, say victim advocates, who add that the study's documented rates of abuse were pretty much in line with their own overall impressions. But they also outlined problems with some specifics of the research, noting that the study blurred some important issues and ignored others entirely.

For one thing, the study completely failed to distinguish between men who were abused during a one-night stand and those who suffered repeatedly at the hands of a regular boyfriend or sexual partner -- a limitation Relf himself acknowledged, saying he hoped a subsequent study would shed light on the "intensity" of the violence. "In the five years we asked about, it could have happened once, it could have happened once a week, or every day," said Relf.

Another common objection, and perhaps a more significant one, was that -- despite the apparent efforts of the researchers to cast a wide net -- the vast majority of the respondents were white. As a result, said same-sex domestic violence advocates, African-American and other ethnic minorities were significantly underrepresented relative to their numbers in the urban areas covered by the study.

"We were really disappointed when we read the study," said Rachel Baum, coordinator of the domestic violence program for the NCAVP. "If a study had a sample that was 80 percent Asian men, it would be considered a study about Asian men. In this case it was 80 percent white, and that's very difficult to apply in areas where the percentage of the white population is actually half that."

Also disappointing is the reality that, despite the high incidence of gay domestic violence, the options for victims remain limited. Understandably, men -- including gay men -- are not generally welcome in women's shelters. Lesbians, for their part, may seek to stay in shelters, but they may feel uncomfortable or not accepted by heterosexual women or forced to stay closeted to other residents. Some of the organizations participating in the NCAVP can provide vouchers for short-term stays in hotels or may be able to arrange housing in private homes for someone in a dire situation.

As far as advocates for victims of same-sex violence are aware, Valley Oasis, near Los Angeles, is the only shelter in the country that accepts all domestic violence victims, of any gender and orientation, as residents. Despite the organization's openness, Sudduth said she has heard co-workers laugh at a transgendered person staying in the shelter or express concern that a lesbian might make a pass at them. And gays and lesbians can still feel uncomfortable in a support group in which all the other domestic violence victims are heterosexual.

Leaders in the broader domestic violence awareness movement acknowledge the problem. Juley Fulcher, public policy director of the Colorado-based National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said that the organization has a caucus for non-heterosexual women and has sponsored two national gatherings on same-sex domestic violence. But she acknowledges that gay men, in particular, are not well-served by existing services.

"We know that domestic violence exists in the gay male population," she said. "But men are far less often victims than women, and because most of our work focuses on female victims, gay men aren't always included in our work as well as they could be or should be."

Baum and others in the field say that while the pace of change is slow, they have definitely noticed more mainstream interest in the subject. "We see more and more mainstream domestic violence programs understanding that there's a need," she said. "When we go to conferences, a swarm of people comes up saying they had a lesbian come in, they had a gay man call, here's what they did, is that OK."

Most of the time, however, Baum said that openness to the issue depends upon the presence of a particular person working at the agency with a special understanding of the problem. While in many ways same-sex domestic violence resembles the heterosexual variety, she said, it also differs in significant respects.

It is not unknown for women to batter men in heterosexual couples, but in the vast majority of cases it is the male who is the batterer. With a same-sex couple, it can be much harder for those outside the relationship to determine which one is the victim. Since some gays and lesbians may also be more likely than heterosexual women to defend themselves physically, both parties may end up bruised or bloody.

But many people automatically -- and wrongly -- assume that the partner who is physically larger, or the one who is more butch, is always the perpetrator. Moreover, gays and lesbians themselves may not recognize the abusive situation. Gay men may feel that they're supposed to be able to fight back; lesbians may not want to believe that other women are capable of hurting them.

Another factor is that batterers in same-sex couples often have a potentially powerful weapon that straight people do not. If victims are not open about their sexual orientation to family, friends or employers, the threat of being outed can be an effective way for the abuser to maintain a significant measure of control and domination. And even when gays and lesbians have already come out, they are sometimes, as Letellier was, ashamed to disclose the abuse to anyone, especially if family and straight friends remain uncomfortable with the whole issue of homosexuality. Given the rising incidence of abuse, and the failure of the law to protect its victims, silence is a dangerous choice for victims to make.

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