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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Jeri Reed is opposed to the war in part because she stands to lose so much. A 45-year-old Oklahoma City woman whose 20-year-old son Cody is in Iraq somewhere south of Najaf, she says, "I know so many kids over there that grew up with Cody, it's ridiculous. It depends who you are in this country how many kids you know over there."
She says that she doesn't know anybody with kids in the military who is "rabidly for this war," though most are reluctant to speak of their doubts. "I do speak with other parents [of soldiers] who feel the same way but are not willing to do anything about it," Reed says. "Often I think they're confused about the war and think that they are doing the right thing by saying they support it. The connection is it keeps your kid safer. Any dissent increases the danger."
Yet Reed can't contain her rage -- it crackles through the phone. It's a "horrible situation," she says, to watch her son fight a war that shames her. "Now our kids are basically trapped in the middle of Iraq, and the only way they're going to get out is by killing a lot of Iraqi people. I'm very angry. I don't want to support the killing of all these Iraqis to save my son."
Like many other members of Military Families Speak Out, Reed, who is working on a Ph.D. in history at the University of Oklahoma, says her son enlisted because he had few other options. A single mother of four boys, Reed raised her children in Chicago. She was laid off from her government job in 1989 and spent much of Cody's childhood switching between restaurant and office work, with occasional stints of welfare. Most years she earned less than $20,000. She says her son believed the military would offer him stability and a steady income.
"Cody joined the military for lack of job opportunities," she says. He had just finished high school, and "he felt he had to do something with his life. He started talking to a recruiter who really stroked his ego. He was feeling like a failure, and he was promised the world by the recruiter."
She tried to talk him out of it. "I said, 'What if they make you go do something you think is wrong?' Unfortunately, that's what happened."
Speaking of the Bush administration, her voice rises and goes taut. "They're using poor kids for their own ends," she says. "I think of Bush's daughters and niece. Look at what kind of people they are! They're going to take our kids, many of whom have been raised well, and his drug addict daughters and niece certainly won't be called upon."
Of course, most military families fiercely disagree with Reed. Indeed, says Lessin, "We have had a number of our members thrown out of military wives' groups and military mothers' groups for expressing concerns and opposition to the war." McKenzie says he was kicked off an online military families' support group for posting antiwar comments.
Halvorson, the student wife of a Marine, believes the fervent support for the war among the families of its fighters stems in part from denial and fear. Knowing how hard it is to watch a loved one fight a war that seems immoral, she understands why people might not want to admit their doubts, even to themselves. "It's really hard to wrap your mind around the fact that your loved one is stepping into a dangerous situation for no good reason. It's very hard to swallow for most people," she says. "We're in a patriotic fever right now. We're being propagandized to. There's an implied message that you're to feel guilty if you don't support the war."
She also sees how pro-war sentiment is useful for fighters in the field, which is why, since her husband has been deployed, she's been reluctant to tell him about her continuing protest.
"He is both feet in," she says. "He doesn't really have the luxury of a political view at this point. He's most interested in self-preservation and the safety of his fellow Marines. We don't really talk about the war that much because he knows how I feel. I'm not interested in changing his mind. The more enthusiastic he is, the better it is for his safety." The longer the war goes on, Halvorson says, "the more distant we are emotionally and ideologically."
Indeed, some of these families speak of a growing gulf between their feelings and those of their soldiers, which they're not sure how to bridge. "My son believes that what is happening is right. And I do not. It has caused what I'm now referring to as some collateral damage within the family," says Moss, the Virginia mother of six.
