I don't know who told Ms. Dickerson she has a "ghetto pass." She doesn't. Most blacks would see her in the same light as a Ward Connerly, Shelby Steele or Clarence Thomas -- who all, by the way, have white significant others.

Why is she so preoccupied with white men desiring black women? Does she think that will change the basic conditions that black people face in this society? I mean, white men have proven throughout history that they will fuck just about anything, including farm animals. Has that changed their attitude about people of color in general? It sure didn't keep colonialism or imperialism from taking hold. Women were and are seen as the spoils of war, and as a black woman I don't give a damn whether white men desire me. What I do care about is that I, as a human being, am afforded the same respect that anyone else on this planet is given. From the incidents she describes both at work and out and about, Debra Dickerson seems to have accepted that she isn't worthy of white men's respect or even acknowledgment -- and that more than anything is probably why black women have this reputation for being loud and difficult. We are so used to being ignored and mistreated, we've come to a point where we are hypersensitive to slights and perceived discrimination.

I think Ms. Dickerson is in the definite minority in the black female population -- we are the least likely of any racial group to date and marry outside of our race. Most of us prefer and love black men and, if anything, are happy the times when white men were desiring and raping us (that is, during slavery, Jim Crow, segregation) are over!

-- Devonah Blackwell

The type of racism you describe is not gender specific. Spend some time cruising Internet dating sites like those managed by Spring Street Networks, the company that provides Salon with its dating Web presence.

While the sites that are linked to Spring Street have a rep as being peopled by those folks of all races who are a little more enlightened and a little more literate, my very unscientific study has shown that many women -- whether black, white or other -- check off everything in their "race preference" box except "Black." Even "Pacific Islanders" show up as acceptable. Exactly how many Pacific Islanders are there in these United States anyway, and how do they merit a category all their own? That question aside, we black men rate as somehow equally unattractive as you black women.

Perhaps we should get together and talk about this? Laugh, cry, commiserate ... over a drink, maybe some dinner. How about a movie? Hmmm, that sounds like a date. If it works out and we were to have some sort of relationship, we would have a lot less to complain about. We would be so in love, there would be not enough time to notice how unloved we thought we were.

-- Jeremy A. Rogers

I am white (and gay, which changes the situation if only slightly) and have had some experience in navigating situations similar to what Ms. Dickerson describes. In particular, I was acquainted with two black girls, one of whom was friendly to me, one of whom was hard-edged and mean. It is not a surprise which one I found easier to get along with.

What I am wondering is: Did my response to what I perceived from the very beginning as unfriendliness lead her, in the future, to regard me as a racist? I certainly hope not. I'm all about meeting people halfway and even further, but I'm not keen on cold stares and a reflexively accusatory demeanor. Is anyone?

Debra, I feel for you. We all want to be seen as desirable. I will add, though, that a lot of white guys I know who have openly indicated an interest in black girls are, at the same time, intimidated by them. There is no excuse for the white men at Dunkin Donuts who rudely rendered you invisible; that's appalling. But while my straight white friends may be somewhat cowardly in not pursuing black girls romantically, I don't think that's racist, and it's sure as shit a two-way street.

-- Colin

I'm confused by your comments. It sounds like you resent the fact that this movie did not allow any black women to be "fucked" by the two white lead characters. That omission, somehow, causes you to suspect that "black culture, however subconsciously, is deemed unworthy?

You discuss your difficulties in getting your white male co-workers to notice you (although you apparently made every effort to appear "hot"). Your description of how you cried when disrespected/ignored by a white man while waiting to be served in the Logan Airport Dunkin Donuts was distressing. I was puzzled by your apparent expectation that a compulsive white male sex drive should have trumped white racism to make you "visible" and possibly advance you, rather than the white male behind you, in the queue. Despite all this, you managed to find a white man, who respected you enough, to marry. This was apparently after "career choice" and "life choice" circumstances caused you to realize, at age 40, that holding out for "a brother" was not likely to pay off. As a black man who spent several years working and living in Massachusetts in the '80s and early '90s, I find myself wondering about your choice of social venues.

I don't understand how your reactions to what you've observed about the treatment of black women (and their "unfuckable" appeal to whites) square with the reality of the interracial sexual history of this country. Black women, as you noted, have obviously been raped and fucked by white men before, more often for pure lust or power than for love or emotional attachment. The underlying justification when white males rape black women has long been that black women are sexual addicts and really hot bed partners. Most black men know that they also carry this burden of expectation and accusation where interracial sex is involved. That nature of interracial sex in this country has been one that most black people find distasteful, disrespectful and sad. And now, you're upset because black women are not being shown as willing partners to interracial sex without emotional involvement? That is your measure of social progress in this country?

Perhaps while you were sipping your martini and reflecting on your personal experiences while seeking validation of your worth and interracial sexual appeal, you should have remembered: It's just a movie, and obviously not intended to deliver a dubious statement about equal opportunity for black "sluts." I suspect that, had the movie undertaken that cause, aside from a couple of insignificant casting opportunities for blacks, its socially redemptive value would hardly have been enhanced.

-- C. Mosby

Recent Stories