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Saturday, Jul 4, 2009
Readers respond to "A World of Hurt" and "Forever Young."
Apr 5, 2002 | Read "A world of hurt" by Earl R. Mies.
Thank you, thank you for printing Earl Mies' article on abuse. I have in my short life sadly known many victims of abuse. Half the abusers have been male and half female. When I worked with social workers who had dealt for years with foster care systems, I discovered my experience was not weird but accurate. Too often when I have tried to talk about some of what I have seen, women have dismissed me as "wrong" or even attacked me -- for simply having had experiences that do not "fit" someone's invented picture of a situation.
Anyone who genuinely cares about stopping domestic violence, not merely promoting a particular political stance, needs to listen to people like Mies as well as people like Margaret Finnegan, who wrote so poignantly on being the victim of her father's abuse.
Thank you for bringing honesty, however painful, to a difficult discussion.
-- K. Wiley
Thank you for publishing Earl Mies' poignant story about his long ordeal with an abusive, alcoholic wife. Despite his pain, anger and fear for his daughter's safety, he handled the situation with commendable dignity and compassion. Through all the physical and emotional abuse he endured as a result of his wife's addiction, he managed to maintain control and look after his daughter. Unfortunately, it's rare that the other side of domestic violence gets told. Mr. Mies has done a public service in telling his story, and Salon has set a good example for other publications.
-- Chris Heard
What happened to Mr. Mies' daughter? Does he have full custody now? What about his former wife -- is she sober again, or drinking?
This was a very poignant article; and I can't let it go until I know what happened with his daughter!
-- Harper Wood
What an important article about an underreported phenomenon! I so appreciate Earl's ability to report his true hurt and angry feelings and his eventual healing over time. Thank you for coming out as a male survivor of domestic violence and showing the devastating results of alcohol abuse.
-- Sharon Bettis
My experience with the trauma caused by living, or growing up, in an alcoholic home is that it takes an extraordinary amount of time and effort to root out all of the rage and anger that surface, cued by any past triggers that foreshadowed, or immediately indicated, the oncoming assault and ensuing trauma.
I was very nearly killed by my ex-wife on two occasions prior to the end of our relationship. That end came at great personal and financial expense, but it has been worth every single penny.
As an alcoholic in recovery for over a decade, I, too, have my issues with practicing addicts who can always numb themselves to the consequences of their actions.
But I also need to remember that just because a human being can respond seemingly intelligently to my verbal and nonverbal cues does not mean that I am interacting with a well person.
I have to take time to probe and explore the depth of the person in front of me, and the person who I know myself to be, before I can assess at what level of interaction I can trust any individual.
Sadly, a person doesn't have to be alcoholic or an addict to be a waste of my precious time on this Earth -- they can be chemically sober and yet completely pathological, too.
-- Greg Mucha
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