Magic machines

Who needs humans? Whether your goal is to sleep through the night or run a marathon, there's a gadget that can help.

Sep 14, 2005 | Sounds of Silence

It's green. It's plastic. It's seven inches long. It brings me so much pleasure, I wouldn't go to bed without it.

It's my Tranquil Moments white-noise machine.

This wondrous little gizmo, officially called the Brookstone Tranquil Moments Sound Therapy System, was a Christmas gift from my brother. Indeed, for as long as I can remember, I'd always shushed anyone who dared make a peep in my apartment after 11 p.m. If my neighbors blared their stereo at 1 a.m., I'd march downstairs and firmly ask them to turn it down. I was, in short, a major party pooper.

While I made no apologies about these requests, I secretly wished that I could fall asleep even with AC/DC jamming outside my door. Finally, Tranquil Moments made my wish come true. It drowns out virtually any sound that dares creep into my room as I'm snoozing. So my roommate's watching "Trainspotting" for the eighth time and has the volume cranked so he can understand what the hell they're saying? ("You feckin' cunt!") No problem. When I'm visiting my cousin Cheryl and her 3-year-old daughter wakes up at 6 a.m. with "MAWWWW-MEEEEEEE!!" -- not a worry -- with a turn of the knob, it's instant peace.

I usually use the Tranquil Moment's standard "White Noise," option, but occasionally I tune in to one of the other five sounds, most of them from nature: "Woodlands," "Rain," "Ocean Tide," "Stream" and "Rainforest." Aside from the Stream, which makes me have to pee, and Rainforest, which leaves me with the frightening feeling that a parrot might land on my bed any minute -- each noise is soothing and pleasant. And they're all contained in this wee machine. It's light! It's portable! I can take it wherever I go! Certainly anywhere a pesky racket awaits.

So to all the drunken, sloppy lunatics who come pouring out of McSwiggan's Bar beneath my apartment at 3:30 every morning, I say, "Party on! I can't hear you."

-- Anne Cole

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