When I pressed Warren on whether there was a relationship between his faith and his business, he clarified that his response was "not an eHarmony answer" but "a Neil Warren answer." "We don't talk about this very much but here's my answer: There's no question that there's a relationship in my mind. Christian faith is all about God's great love for people, his attributions of value and worth. We can take that principle and move it throughout our 154 employees. We have employees from lots of different countries and we treat them with great dignity and respect. We have as many Hispanics as there are represented in California, as many African-Americans, as many Asians; we have many people who would say they are agnostic or atheist. And we try to treat them as persons of great value and then encourage them to move that dynamic out into the world."

I wanted to believe him. But he was protesting a bit too much. And the "some of my best friends" school of racial understanding has never equaled enlightenment. I was also afraid that Warren, who had admitted his wariness about what he perceived to be the lefty press, was manipulating me.

"I've begun saying to our people that we've got to reach every person on earth," he said. "These Iraqis who keep getting killed every day, they are just as valuable as the GIs getting killed." This statement was so targeted to the pet issue of a so-called liberal media that I was pretty sure that while he may have meant it, Warren was also carefully telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.

He was certainly aware of the stain political involvement could have on his business as he continues to expand it. And he wasn't shy about bringing it up. Before I even murmured James Dobson's name, Warren was anxious to proclaim his distance from his friend and former associate. "I have a lot of respect for a lot that goes on in Focus on the Family," he said. "Where I get nervous is when people think we're political like Focus on the Family. You kind of have to trust me on this, I guess, but we don't talk about things like abortion. I wouldn't have the slightest idea where our employees would stand on that issue." Warren said that he has "a position on every social issue," though he declined to outline any of them.

A few days after I spoke with Warren, Dobson responded to recent interviews in which Warren has distanced himself from his former booster. "I introduced Dr. Warren and his books -- and eHarmony, more recently -- to our listeners specifically because he was and it was decidedly Christian in nature," Dobson told his radio audience on May 26. "Dr. Warren is anxious to change that direction. So ... we will go our separate ways ... with reluctance and regret." A salty response posted on the Conservative Voice Web site beneath a story about Dobson's on-air comments suggested that some feel the split between Warren and Dobson is less about ideological distance than it is about money, and Warren's desire to broaden his company's commercial appeal.

But if that's the case, why won't he budge on gay marriage?

When I asked Warren about his refusal to serve same-sex couples, he listed several reasons for his policy. "First, we're into marriage," he said, pointing out that gay unions remain illegal in almost every state. He also doesn't feel there is adequate research on how men can be matched up with other men, or women with women.

Businessmen have approached him and asked for his help in building a company designed specifically for gay couples. Warren was proud to tell me that he advises them to research the kinds of compatibility that make gay relationships last. "It did my heart good that these guys I talked to, these gay guys, have since said, 'Neil Clark Warren was sympathetic.' That meant the world to me," he said. But it's also pretty clear that eHarmony is not about to reverse its own policy. Warren is simply too torn on the issue.

When I told him that I found it sad that my gay friends don't have the opportunity to take advantage of the eHarmony compatibility elixir of which he is so proud, he was quiet for some time. "I love the spirit with which you make that point," he said thoughtfully. "And we do do a lot of talking about how we love the idea of being inclusive." He paused again, sounding slightly shaken. "It's just not an easy point! We've got thousands of years of history of the human race in which this was never treated as a marriage and there are a lot of people who think it's just not going to have the same kind of stability over time.

"Where Focus on the Family and a lot of these other places come from is that there are six places in the Bible that say homosexuality is wrong," he said. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. But then he continued: "On the other hand, in the Old Testament if you work on the Sabbath day and you're guilty then you should be shot."

I was surprised to hear him play out his internal debate so openly. Sure, he remained fairly benighted on issues of homosexuality, but I had to acknowledge he's from a different time and culture. I wish that I'd been able to have a conversation this frank with my late grandfather, who was not exactly open to sexual, religious or racial differences -- and whom I loved very much. How could I not appreciate the fact that Warren was at least engaging the topic? Far from dismissing homosexuality as an aberration, or suggesting that gays are going to hell, Warren brought up his best friend's daughter, a lesbian who has two children with her partner. "She's a dear person to us, and a very strong spiritual person," he said. "And when I start seeing things like that, I think we've got to start to think about that maybe this can work."

Then again, Dick Cheney has a gay daughter he loves, and he is a linchpin in an administration that would discriminate against her. And the fact remains that, open as Warren is to conversations about homosexuals, he's still refusing their business.

It may be that having to face these questions, not just from me but from other reporters, as his company grows out of the conservative community in which it started is forcing Warren to reconsider -- perhaps not his policy but at least his preconceived notions of what gay people are. "I literally would like to at some point put my money where my mouth is and see research done on it," he said. In the meantime, he added, "We have to get real civil with one another."

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