The main concern among experts is not a debate over nature vs. nurture, however. Rather, it's the fear that those whose latent sexuality could be nurtured will chalk their asexuality up to "nature," and leave it at that. "If someone says, 'I'm fine the way I am and you have to leave me alone,' you have to respect that, even if there's a possibility that someday they could experience sexuality," says Seattle- and New York-based clinical psychologist and sex therapist Joy Davidson, author of "Fearless Sex." However, she says, "To lump everyone who says, 'I don't feel attraction,' into one easily normalizable category seems to me to be premature at best and irresponsible at worst."

"On the one hand, we are validating those people who may be hard-wired not to have attraction to others," says Dennis Sugrue, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of "Sex Matters for Women. "But the danger is that in doing so we may create a safe haven for some other folks with issues that could be addressed. We could discourage or prevent them from seeking help that could make a difference."

What kind of underlying problems might some asexuals have -- and what kind of "help" could they be missing out on? Well, no one's leaping to the conclusion that they need some sort of creepy reprogramming; nor is there -- yet -- some sort of quick-fix libido pill. And, of course, a given individual's asexuality may not have one single simple-to-identify cause. But there are some areas an expert would begin to investigate right way. For one thing, endocrine testing might, in some cases, reveal low levels of androgens (such as testosterone), which could diminish sex drive -- and could, in theory, be addressed with hormone replacement therapy. Some might have a chronic anxiety disorder that, in effect, causes so many thoughts to whirl in their heads that there's no room left for sex. (In this case, anxiety medication might be part of treatment, but that would be to lessen the distractions from sex, not to restore the drive itself.) Others might have mild or undiagnosed cases of syndromes such as Asperger's, which can make them uncomfortable with all manner of personal contact.

Sexual short circuits can also be caused by childhood trauma -- which, experts say, is often much more subtle than a specific experience of sexual abuse, or even, say, a parent's warning that masturbators go blind, then to hell. "Becoming a sexual human being is a long and subtle process and many things must go right in one's family of origin for the child to connect sexuality and love," says Aline Zoldbrod. "I have had several patients who came into treatment asexual, completely confused, because they came from 'good' families. But on closer examination, it turned out that certain necessary ingredients were missing: these patients got good care in practical ways -- they were fed, clothed, sent to school -- but they were not touched lovingly by their parents at all. They simply had never experienced physical pleasure in their bodies that they linked to the emotional pleasure of being in a relationship."

Therein, she says, lies her main criticism of the asexual-positive "movement." "It assumes that becoming sexual is simple and easy, and that if sexual feelings and urges don't come 'naturally' they weren't meant to be," she says. "But being sexual has to be learned," she says -- and many people who somehow missed out during their sexually formative years can indeed catch up in sex therapy, though certainly not overnight. Zoldbrod describes one woman who spent a year learning from scratch to enjoy touch: aside from frequent therapy visits both alone and with her husband, "her husband had to give up on intercourse and just touch her non-sexually for months and months, so that she could develop her own innate good feelings about touch and then connect them to her love of him -- and then, later, to sex," says Zoldbrod. "At the end, when she experienced sexual pleasure and sexual drive, she said, 'I can't believe this is my same body.' Her life was profoundly altered, for the better."

David Jay counters by questioning why sex itself is presumed to be the holy grail. "It's not a question of whether asexual people can be made sexual through therapy or drugs, it's a question of whether they want to and whether doing so will improve their lives," he says. "If someone just doesn't like sex then it may, or may not, be easier for them to just get along without it than to go through a long, expensive process of therapy. If, on the other hand, their issues with sex are tied to issues with things like intimacy and vulnerability, then those will play out just as much asexually as they would sexually, and they'll probably be just as likely to seek help. To me, it seems like giving people access to a healthy sex life isn't the issue -- it's giving people access to healthy relationships and then letting them decide where they want sex to fit."

That seems to be the road Debbie has taken -- and she plans to stay on it. "I could go along with the herd and lie to myself and the people around me, but I don't want to, because I've come to the point in my life where I have to be honest with myself, where just being me is OK," she says. "I figure someday I'll be a little old lady with a lot of cats, but it's going to be my choice."

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