Not all child-free men who get vasectomies are in a committed relationship at the time. After Steinberg, who was single, had his surgery, courtship took on a different dynamic. "Several women didn't want to see me after the first date when I told them not only that I didn't want to have any children, but that I had had a vasectomy," he says. "That was fine with me because it's better to nip it in the bud than allow a relationship to build, only to be shattered months or years later when the unsolvable dilemma of whether to have children arose."
Brian Curtis, 35, a technical writer and editor in Atlanta, also felt the romantic aftershocks following his operation at age 22. He had the operation within six months of starting his first job with medical coverage because he was so spooked by stories of friends who had gotten "oopsed" into unplanned parenthood. At the time, his girlfriend -- whom he had already told that he didn't want kids -- was taken aback by the finality of his decision. A few months later, they had an argument where she complained that he had taken the choice away from her. "I disagreed, noting that I was never going to have kids, regardless of the surgery," he says. "So her choice was the same as it had been before: If you want kids, you'd better start seeing someone else." She did.
It's been 13 years and Curtis has no regrets. "It was one of the smartest and most responsible decisions I've ever made," he says. Since then, he's been upfront with women about his sterile state. For the past two years, he's been in a relationship with a woman who also does not want children. "We were friends first so I knew about the vasectomy before we got involved," says his girlfriend, who asked to remain anonymous. "Personally, I think it's the wisest decision a man can make when in the position of not wanting children. It's wonderful to be able to play with him and not have to worry one iota about pregnancy or birth control failure."
Contrary to popular belief, pregnancy is possible following vasectomy. A recent report found that 0.15 percent of women experience an unintended pregnancy within the first year of their partner's procedure. (Granted, that's 100 times less than the 15 percent that get pregnant in one year of typical use of the condom.) It takes approximately 20 post-surgery ejaculations before sperm are cleared from the semen so couples temporarily have to use backup contraception. Even after this wait period, pregnancy is possible in rare cases. A recent study published in the journal of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that looked at 544 women whose husbands underwent vasectomy found that six pregnancies occurred in the weeks or years after surgery. Keuling, Ciaccio's fiancie, is considering getting sterilized "just as an extra security," she says.
Moran, who had his vasectomy in May, recently went for a routine follow-up visit where the doctor confirmed that he had a zero sperm count. "It's a relief," he says. "Sex with a loved one shouldn't be ruined by worry." He and Barros have tossed the condoms and say they're happier than ever. When they are out together and hear screeching kids, they give each other a knowing look and feel a sense of relief. Still, as the wedding approaches (where no kids are allowed, of course) Moran is all about keeping an open mind. "Even if I somehow changed my mind, there's always adoption," he says. "There are plenty of kids just waiting for parents." That, he believes, is the beauty of reproductive choice.