Ronald Reagan's treasurer Bay Buchanan comes next and says, "I go to college campuses. I talk to these young women, as brave a people I've ever met, who have spoken out on their college campuses ... They're chastised, they're ostracized, they are literally jeered. They go up before their student bodies and the feminists show up and are screaming at them. This is on these wonderful campuses that are supposed to be for freedom of speech."

This is Buchanan's entire calendar quotation, taken from a 2001 speech at the institute's Conservative Leadership Seminar. This may be just the sound of another chastising feminist, but who is she talking about here? Who are "these young women" who are getting "literally jeered"?

One calendar denizen who has surely been jeered by feminists is May dreamboat, radio shrink and famed gay-hater Dr. Laura (Schlesinger). She appears, all dimples, with a helmet of straw-colored hair that seems to glow seraphically. "I deeply disdain the feminists for what they have done to generations of women and to children who pay the price of lost, intact, loving stable homes with married committed moms and dads," Dr. Laura is quoted as saying. She is surely gratified that feminists disdain her right back.

June brings us lawyer, columnist, Eagle Forum founder, ERA buzz-kill and all-around good-time girl Phyllis Schlafly, who is followed in July by thin political pundit Ann Coulter. August's Michelle Malkin, a conservative columnist, says, "When liberals won't clam up about their sordid sex lives and we object, they call us rude. When liberal women raise their voices, they are praised as 'passionate.' When conservative women raise their voices, we are condemned as 'shrill.'" Well, if it walks like a whistle and talks like a whistle ...

Back-to-school September features the country's most powerful black woman, Oprah! Kidding. It's Condi. Unfortunately, the calendar must have been printed too late to catch her promotion to secretary of state, since she is listed as national security advisor. The best part of Condoleezza Rice's page is the smaller secondary photo, supplied by the White House, showing her with Dick Cheney in the Presidential Emergency Operations Center on 9/11, conferring by phone with President Bush, presumably from the presidential emergency "Get me the fuck out of here" plane.

Likable pundit Monica Crowley is next, but she's totally overpowered by November's Jeanne Kirkpatrick. A Leavey professor of government at Georgetown and senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, Kirkpatrick was the first woman appointed to serve as a permanent representative of the U.S. to the United Nations. She is quoted as saying, "People have often said to me, what did I do that was the most interesting thing in my life. The answer is having a baby ... Having and raising babies is more interesting than making speeches at the United Nations. Believe me." Especially the spitting up.

Clare Boothe Luce was a journalist, and so it's only fitting that the calendar that bears her name have a great kicker. And by God, it does, in December, when it features gun rights advocate Shemane Nugent, wife of Ted, and coauthor with her husband of a book called "Kill It & Grill It." She is quoted as defending the Second Amendment, and the smaller picture shows "Ted and Shemane Nugent with their teen son, Rocco, at their ranch in Texas." In camos. All holding machine guns.

Happy holidays!

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