It girl gone wild

A New York magazine article said that he'd attended a party instead of accompanying you to get an abortion, because you'd gotten pregnant by him. Is that true?

Oh God, I don't know if I can answer these questions ... but why not, it's out there, right? He made me look like a whore, calling me a "receptacle" for his "sperm" on his Web site. In reality, I lost my virginity to him. It was the first relationship I ever had. I'm telling the truth. I'm not lying. People from home were like, what the fuck, why are you dating this older guy? And I think I'm a little fucked up when it comes to men. I think I didn't feel secure around boys my own age. I think I wanted someone to guide me. And Doug did guide me. My parents never guided me. There was something comforting about that.

A waiter walks by, and Vona, eyeing the buffet table in the middle of the restaurant, asks if we can order brunch. The buffet is for a private party, the waiter says. "There's no extra stuff?" Vona asks, and then turns back to me.

You know ... they wouldn't know that we're not part of that party ...

Um, but wouldn't that be stealing? Aren't you supposed to be avoiding that?

It just looks so good! I'm sure they have extra ... I'm just kidding.

Well, speaking of the kleptomania -- have you stolen anything since leaving the Village?

I don't steal anymore. There was a time when I walked away with more goodie bags at a party than I should have.

I don't think that counts. What about sobriety -- have you drank or done any drugs?

I haven't had anything to drink or smoke since I left. You can test my hair.

How were the things you dealt with in therapy -- addiction, kleptomania, anger, self-loathing -- affected by your relationship?

Doug was a big relapse. I relapsed emotionally.

In the book you're dealing with so much drama, and now that life is supposed to be less intense, you're wrapped up in this gossip and media story ...

I don't know if it's me or who I'm attracted to. I think I'm just attracted to situations where I know I'm going to get fucked.

Are you still in therapy now?

I should be. I'm trying to get my shit together by attracting people who are more stable. But normal people are pretty boring.

It took me a while to really understand why I was so dependent on Doug. Partially because he was condescending to me and made me feel like I needed him, when I didn't.

When was the last time you talked to him?

Right before he put his article on the Internet. He had e-mailed it around. I called him up and said, "You realize you're not hurting me as much as you're hurting yourself, don't you?" And he said, "Well, you called me an asshole in an interview." And I said, "Ok, you are an asshole."

Do you feel hurt or upset about this? Because you keep making jokes and laughing about it ...

It's actually depressing. I've been through a lot of trauma in my life and you have to joke about trauma, or else it will consume you. But it's very painful that he wrote that. I haven't read the whole thing. I can't read it. It's disgusting. I couldn't read the New York magazine story either. She also portrayed me as using him, but that's what he wants. I just hoped no one read it. I have lawyers who want to sue him.

So you're thinking about suing him.

I'll have to. I don't know what else to do. I mean, I'm hurt too. A lot of what he said is factual -- I mean, I did go to parties with him -- but it was the angle he took. I'm fucked up, and I admit I'm fucked up, but I'm not a social climber or a slut.

In his screed against you, as part of his evidence that you didn't write the book, he says you asked him to do your homework for you.

Yeah, I did ask him to write a paper for me. I was pressed for time. I was going to school and he was like, I'm the writer. I'm the one who's good with spelling and grammar. But I'm more of a storyteller than a writer, I think.

Are you at all glad you were sent to the Village? Do you think your parents were right to do it?

They had good intentions, and they wanted to help, but I was in a position where the Village wasn't absolutely necessary. But I'm grateful to my parents, because I didn't really learn what I needed to learn from them. And I learned a lot from the experience -- how to handle bad emotions. The most valuable lesson I learned was that people are flawed. They're not all bad or all good. And for the most part, if someone's acting up, it's usually because they're hurt. Scarred people lash out in ways that are hurtful to others.

Considering all that's happened since you published the book, are you glad it's out there, or do you wish you'd never written it?

Sometimes. I just want [Dechert] to disappear. I feel like I'm in a horror movie and he's Chucky or something. Chucky always returns. You think you keep killing him, but he keeps coming back.

If I hadn't dealt with the lockdown facility I don't think I'd be able to deal with this. But everything seems like a breeze compared to being at the Village and eating this nasty Southern food. Even my shower time was only two minutes long. It made me not take everything for granted. So the media writing stupid shit? That's child's play. Shit, nothing is worse being locked up in the Special Treatment Unit.

• View blog reactions