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Monday, Nov 23, 2009
Keto Frosted Flakes cereal
Ingredients: Soy protein isolate, wheat gluten, almond flour, maltitol, corn bran, corn meal, potato starch, natural flavors, salt, and sucralose. 110 calories, 9 g carbohydrates, 1 g fat.
Atkins Morning Start Banana Nut Harvest cereal
Ingredients: Soy protein concentrate, soy grits, wheat gluten, corn bran, corn starch, maltodextrin, rice flour, walnuts, banana flakes, inulin, canola oil, natural flavor, sucralose (Splenda brand non-nutritive sweetener), caramel color, salt and vitamin E (mixed tocopherols) as natural antioxidants, and folic acid. 100 calories, 11 g carbohydrate, 2.5 g fat.
MiniCarb Apple Cinnamon Low-Carb Granola
Ingredients: Soybeans, almonds, oat fiber, polydextrose (fiber), soybean oil, cinnamon, natural flavors, sucralose (Splenda brand). 285 calories, 29 g carbohydrate, 15 g fat.
Keto Reconstituted Low-Carb Milk ("Enjoy the creamy-rich taste and texture of whole cow's milk without all the carbs!")
Ingredients: Water, cream, milk protein isolate, cellulose gel, carrageenan gum, tricalcium phosphate, potassium chloride, dipotassium phosphate, salt, soya lecithin, acesulfame potassium, vitamins A and D. 120 calories, 1 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat.
Schoenfein: The cereal I eat normally is as cardboard-y as any of this. It's kashi -- cardboard and twigs.
Miller: I like kashi. [Looks at Banana Nut Harvest box.] I love the cereals that this is an imitation of. They have tons of sugar in them but the ones with dried cranberries and almonds -- they're so good.
Schoenfein: [Tries the Frosted Flakes.] Kashi wins. This is awful. You know, these manage to get soggy even without milk.
Friedland: These Frosted Flakes have that dried-urine-in-the-subway smell.
Bittman is the first to experiment with the milk.
Schoenfein: Oh my God -- did you see how thick that milk was?
Bittman: There's a lot of shit in this milk. Can you look up "sucralose" on Google?
Friedland: Sugar works better as a cover for the soy taste.
Bittman: Banana Nut Harvest tastes like sugarless gum.
Schoenfein: [Tastes the granola.] Ooh, I like this one! [Takes another chew.] Oh! No! Oh no! Oh, it's awful! I thought this was one where graininess might work in its favor, but no!
Bittman: I think it's one of the least horrible things so far.
Schoenfein: We are doing a real disservice to these products by serving them with this milk. It's sad to eat this way.
Bittman: Especially for no fucking reason. Because in three years, nobody's going to care about this anyway.
Miller: I enjoyed the South Beach diet. But it's not like this. For dessert, they tell you to have ricotta cheese with vanilla and some Equal. It's not bad, because the cheese itself is good. And it's all lean protein and fish.
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Keto Italian Style Biscotti -- Chocolate Chip flavor
Ingredients: Protein blend (soy protein isolate, fresh whole eggs), butter, almond meal, enriched wheat flour, chocolate chips (maltitol, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, lecithin, vanilla and sucralose), baking powder, polydextrose, natural flavors, acesulfame potassium and sucralose. 160 calories, 6 g carbohydrate, 9 g fat.
Schoenfein: This is fine.
Bittman: Chew and swallow before you say anything! Haven't you learned your lesson yet?
Schoenfein: No, I think this is a passable substitute for biscotti.
Miller: If you had a cup of coffee to dip it into...
Friedland: [Dips it in his coffee.] It's actually holding together!
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Ketogenics Blueberry Muffin Mix
Ingredients: Blueberries canned in water, soy protein, whey protein, gluten flour, resistant starch, sour cream, guar gum, polydextrose, lecithin, baking powder, natural and artificial flavors, salt, sucralose (Splenda brand), acesulfame potassium. Prepared: 215 calories, 7 g carbohydrate, 2 g fat.
Friedland: It's holding together more in my mouth than I thought it would.
Schoenfein: It tastes raw, like it hasn't been baked properly. I'm sure it has been; that's just the taste.
Bittman: It's sandy, powdery. But you should really be feeding this to people who haven't had a muffin in three weeks. I had bread last night. Bread and pasta!
Miller: It doesn't have too much of an aftertaste.
Bittman: It has 90 percent less carbs than other boxed muffin mixes.
Schoenfein: If it were fresh out of the oven or split and toasted and you put fresh butter on it...
Miller: Nothing made from soy flour tastes good.
Bittman: They need another base. I wonder if they've actually tried sawdust.
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MiniCarb Snickerdoodles
Ingredients: Almond flour, inulin, cornstarch (low-glycemic), vital wheat gluten, whey protein concentrate, natural flavors, spices, guar gum, baking soda, sucralose (Splenda brand). Prepared: 110 calories, 7 g carbohydrates, 2 g fat.
Bittman: What is a snickerdoodle?
Schoenfein: It's a Midwest thing. This tastes a little bit like a swimming pool. Almost chlorine-y. I guess that's the artificial sweetener.
Bittman: I wonder if years from now when we all die they'll figure out we were all in this room together once. I can see the headlines: "Deaths all over the country from a previously unknown form of cancer. Doctors have only been able to discover that they were once in the same room together." [Chews contemplatively on a snickerdoodle.] That shit is nasty! There's butter and cream, and it's still bad!
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Atkins Quick Quisine Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
Ingredients: Maltitol, cornstarch (low glycemic), chocolate drops (maltitol, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, soy lecithin and vanilla), maltodextrin, wheat gluten, polydextrose, whey protein, casein protein, potassium bicarbonate, baking soda, xanthan gum, natural and artificial flavor, salt, sucralose (Splenda brand non-nutritive sweetener), caramel color. Prepared: 70 calories, 16 g carbohydrates, 1 g fat.
Schoenfein: It tastes like Play-Doh.
Bittman: Play-Doh has carbs. This tastes like cardboard.
Miller: I feel like I've just had nine Diet Cokes.
When the taste test was over, all four testers were rubbing their bellies with some unhappiness, and a few were opening and closing their mouths, as if trying to remove a sticky substance from their tongues. "We've determined that low-carb food tastes worse than low-fat food," Miller said.
After a pause, she reconsidered: "I think this is actually unfair to low-carb diets, because you don't need to eat this stuff to be on one. You can eat fresh, lean foods that have nothing in common with these mixes."
