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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Keto Fettuccine
Ingredients: Soy protein isolate, wheat gluten, durum wheat semolina, egg albumin, carrageenan gum, natural flavor, folic acid and salt. 130 calories, 7 g carbohydrates, 1 g fat.
Keto Tomato Sauce -- Vodka
Ingredients: Tomato purée (water, tomato paste), imported San Marzano Italian tomatoes, heavy cream, extra virgin olive oil, imported Pecorino Romano cheese (sheep's milk, culture, rennet, salt), vodka, fruit juice for color, microcrystalline cellulose, fresh garlic, salt, carrageenan gum, locust bean gum, xanthan gum, fresh basil, onion, citric acid and spices. 120 calories, 7 g carbohydrates, 9 g fat.
Keto Tomato Sauce-- Meat Flavor
Ingredients: Tomato purée (water, tomato paste), imported San Marzano Italian tomatoes, ground beef, extra virgin olive oil, fruit juice for color, microcrystalline cellulose, fresh garlic, salt, carrageenan gum, locust bean gum, fresh basil, xanthan gum, onion, citric acid, sucralose and spices. 70 calories, 7 g carbohydrates, 4 g fat.
Miller: The meat sauce reminds me of airplane food.
Bittman: I like the second sauce. What is that called? [Grabs jar.] "Meat flavor"? Why is it called meat "flavor"?
Friedland: They're both pretty nasty.
Miller: These noodles are slightly less weird than the mac and cheese noodles.
Bittman: Again, high praise: You could choke them down. Yuck, the fettuccine noodles are bad.
Miller: Well, there's no gluten!
Friedland: They're not toothsome.
Schoenfein: And with the sauces: I don't taste garlic, or spices, or olive oil.
Bittman: What is this brand, Keto? It sounds like it's made in a lab, which it undoubtedly is.
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CarbSense Soy Tortilla Chips -- Original flavor (lightly salted)
Ingredients: Masa corn flour, soy protein concentrate (non-GMO), safflower oil, black beans, oat bran, rice flour, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, salt. 140 calories, 12 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat.
CarbSense Soy Tortilla Chips -- Pico de Gallo flavor
Ingredients: Masa corn flour, soy protein concentrate (non-GMO), safflower oil, black beans, oat bran, rice flour, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, seasonings (salt, torula yeast, chili peppers, onion, garlic, tomato powder, lemon powder, spices, cultured whey, celery, natural smoke flavor). 140 calories, 12 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat.
CarbSense Soy Tortilla Chips -- Habanero flavor
Ingredients: Masa corn flour, soy protein concentrate (non-GMO), safflower oil, rice flour, black beans, oat bran, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, seasonings (salt, spices, chili peppers, onion, garlic, autolyzed yeast extract, lactic acid, extractives of paprika, citric acid). 140 calories, 12 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat.
Schoenfein: [Takes an "original"-flavored chip.] They taste brown. Like cardboard.
Bittman: Yes, like sawdust glued together. [Takes a pico de gallo chip.] You know, if you put these flavors on it, it actually masks the sawdust.
Miller: [Takes an "original"-flavored chip.] This is horrible. [Munches thoughtfully.] Unless ... you think of it as some sort of health snack. Like some hippie side dish. They just shouldn't make it in the shape of a chip.
Bittman: As a health cracker, it's excellent. As a chip it's a failure.
Schoenfein: There's a toasted sesame flavor that's actually kind of nice.
Miller: It's just the damn soy aftertaste that lingers.
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Keto Classic Corn Tortilla Chips
Ingredients: Soy protein isolate, soybean oil, soy protein concentrate, soy fiber, corn meal, soy lecithin, salt. 150 calories, 8 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat.
Schoenfein: Huh! [Chews hopefully.]
Miller: When you first bite into these it's plausible. But then again in the finish...
Bittman: These are so bad that I actually want one of these... [Reaches for a tortilla chip from the previous round.]
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MiniCarb Soy Thins
Ingredients: Soy protein concentrate, tapioca, expeller-pressed safflower oil, sunflower oil, salt, potassium chloride, defatted soy flour. 120 calories, 8 g carbohydrate, 4.5 g fat.
Schoenfein: That wins. It wins on crunch. No graininess.
Miller: I agree. It's like a wonton.
Friedland: There's a gross aftertaste.
Bittman: [To Schoenfein.] I defy you to eat 20 of them. For 50 bucks!
Schoenfein: I would.
Bittman: For $25!
Schoenfein: No, you said $50.
Bittman: [Turns to reporter.] Please note that she would eat them for $50, but not for $25.
Miller: There's still that soy aftertaste. Why do they have that when tofu is good?
Bittman: If you eat soy protein powder -- and I do -- there is a bitter aftertaste. Maybe tofu has the carbs that have been sucked out of this stuff? I don't know.
Schoenfein: But tofu is yummy when we put sesame oil and chili oil and all those wonderful flavors on it.
Bittman: Maybe that's the problem. It's with the seasoning -- whatever it is, it's not counteracting the bitterness.
