What was he thinking?

"The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom" tries to answer the eternal question. A conversation with the collection's editor, Daniel Jones.

By Larry Smith

Apr 29, 2004 | After "The Bitch in the House," Cathi Hanauer's book about contemporary women's issues, hit the New York Times bestseller list and women's book groups everywhere, readers, writers and reviewers wondered: What are the men in their lives thinking?

In a brilliant mix of editorial and marketing savvy, the task of finding out was put to Hanauer's husband, writer Daniel Jones. The result is "The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom."

"Bastard" tries to break down and make at least a little sense of a new moment in men's lives, a moment that Kevin Canty aptly describes in his unflinching essay, "The Dog in Me," as one where "something's come loose, something's come unglued ... we no longer feel quite comfortable in our roles, no longer quite fit the people we imagine ourselves to be." "Bastard" explores a time of feminism and equality, a bright new democratic future ... in which Canty and so many of us are wondering why we still seem to be paying for everything.

That question and others are poked and prodded by the likes of Vince Passaro (on why men lie), Toure (on why men cheat), David Gates (on why men log), Anthony Swofford (on why men must be alone), and Anthony Giardina (on why men don't need to go to every goddamn school play), and 22 other men who write with candor and crankiness, heart and humor.

On the eve of his book tour (and a few hours before his monthly poker game), "Bastard" editor Daniel Jones took some time to talk about what we talk about when we try (really hard) to talk about the lives of men today.

Tell us a little bit about the genesis of "Bastards."

My wife's book, "The Bitch in the House," gave smart women a forum to explain their frustrations about modern marriage, about the kind of marriage many of us thought was going to be like walking into a bright new world of equality and happiness and hasn't quite turned out that way. Not surprisingly, among their frustrations were the men in their lives, who didn't seem quite up to the task of marriage. I knew some of these men. In fact, I was one of them myself.

To be honest, I was wary about wading into the fray, and I had doubts about whether men would talk honestly about their marriages, sex lives, weaknesses, etc. But the guys I queried early on jumped right on board, and the women in my life kept goading me into taking it on. And once I started reading the most recent academic literature about what's going on with men these days, I was hooked. It was fascinating. Suddenly I knew what the book needed to address and I really wanted to be the one to do it.

Next Page: "I doubt the men in 'Bastard' articulate their feelings the way they have here -- their relationships are too loaded"

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