Find man, lose him, repeat cycle

So, whether you're sticking it out in a halfhearted entanglement or jumping into the arms of the next emotional disaster to come along, just remember: whatever your justifications for choosing "toxic," "dysfunctional," or just "long, difficult, and ultimately doomed" relationships over fun, supportive, carefree love romps, an unbroken string of failed relationships will not earn you frequent flier miles, but it is not without rewards.

The world is a treasure trove of possibility. Perhaps you will inherit a million dollars someday and spend your life traveling to far-flung, exotic locations. Until that happens, however, why not make the most of traveling to exotic emotional states and flinging yourself face-first on the bed? After all, if it weren't for so-called "bad" relationships, many of us would have no relationships at all.

Someday your prince will come. And if he doesn't, some other dude will. In the meantime, why not milk the drama for all it's worth?

Bend Over: Assuming the Position of Compromise

As with most things in life, relationships are a series of compromises. If you find it easy to compromise your desires, your ideals, and your judgment, you're well on your way.

Step 1: Lower Your Standards

A general rule of thumb when it comes to looking for love in the modern world is to stop being so picky. If you include your nightmares, the person of your dreams is within your reach. Once you've expanded your horizons to include people you formerly deemed "unacceptable," including bosses, therapists, spiritual and political leaders, sworn enemies, and distant cousins, you'll find a whole universe opening up to you and you'll be well on your way to a series of delightful adventures, unexpected surprises, and astonishing displays of bizarre behavior. If you've already done this, do it again. You'll be amazed at the sheer number of unsuitable matches to be made right in your neighborhood.

Start by asking yourself the following:

Does he really have to be attractive?

Does he really have to be smart?

Does he really have to be financially secure?

Does he really have to be funny?

Does he really have to be clean?

Does he really have to be sane?

Step 2: Question Your Instincts

Your gut is telling you to run far away. Pretend not to hear it. If it insists, pretend not to speak gut. Conveniently store your better judgment under the bed until next needed, usually when the relationship starts to sour.

Step 3: Accentuate the Positive

Don't get bogged down in your negative emotions and judgments, as negativity may obscure a potential boyfriend's boyfriend potential. Before dismissing someone as "ugly" or "crazy," take the time to examine his positive qualities:

Is he wonderfully weird?

Is he thrillingly obsessive-compulsive?

Is he expertly medicated?

Is he relaxingly boring?

Is he delightfully clueless?

Is he charmingly vain?

Is he adorably childlike and helpless?

Step 4: Adjust Your Mental Image

It is important to avoid formulating any sort of mental image of an ideal mate, as this may prevent you from falling for the first person to come along. Having nothing to compare actual partners to, your standards will be more malleable, and with any luck will evaporate entirely.

Step 5: Keeping the Ball Rolling

In Mandarin, the word for "I want your things out of here by tomorrow morning" is the same as the word for "opportunity." A true serial monogamist never looks upon a breakup as an end, but rather as a shiny new beginning. She also plans in advance whenever possible. Below are some tips from the pros.

The Marathon

However exhausting and emotionally draining, dragging out a doomed liaison does have its advantages. It provides an excellent excuse for shirking actual paying work in order to "work on the relationship" and is useful in helping to extract large quantities of attention from family and friends in the form of meals, interim lodging, tea, and pity. Also, drawing out an inevitable breakup over a period of several years is an excellent way to avoid being single. In order for this method to work, your partner must be as insecure and dysfunctional as you are. How can you tell if your partner is in it for the long -- but not permanent -- haul? Various behaviors can tip you off, including a willingness to enter couples counseling in order to gain an ally and the habit of making popcorn at the beginning of each argument.

Next Page: Explain that your new affair "just happened," despite your best efforts to the contrary

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