The selling of 9/11

Or maybe those stickers of Calvin peeing on stuff are more your speed. Why not get a sticker of Calvin peeing on the words "bin Laden"? Finally, a cultural artifact with all the sophistication and subtlety of a "The Ayatollah is an Assahollah!" T-shirt. And don't forget the Osama bin Laden golf balls, the "Wanted Dead or Alive" posters, the Osama toilet paper ("Help wipe out terrorism!"), and Osama "Pin" Laden voodoo dolls.

And that only covers the products directly related to the events of last September. For every World Trade Center blown glass ornament, there's a universe of New York skyline T-shirts, an American flag ashtray, and a beach towel adorned with American eagles. Thomas Kinkade, marketing savant and so-called "Painter of Light," has released a new series of paintings craftily titled "Hometown Pride," the first in his remarkably timely "American Memories" series.

And the rampant overuse of the word "hero" in everything from political speeches to pop songs continues, as we strain to turn the most depressing event and circumstance into a chance to perform our favorite song and dance of enforced cheer and virile chest-beating. The FDNY even put out a "Calendar of Heroes" -- a calendar of heroes with their shirts off, more specifically. Firemen striking macho poses with their man-titties shining in the sun like huevos rancheros may have always turned you on, but this year you can take pride in knowing that your dollars go to a good cause, and that those fireman fantasies you've nurtured since high school are utterly patriotic.

Ultimately, nothing personifies our tweaked love of media-as-spectacle more than a coffee table book filled with page after page of full-color tragedy. Imagine: One thrillingly apocalyptic scene after another, printed on thick, high-quality paper, for guests to absentmindedly peruse while sipping cocktails before dinner. As horrifying as it may have felt for that unknown office worker to be covered from head to foot in fine gray ash, it's perhaps more horrifying that we might gaze idly at her moment of terror as a means of stirring up our emotions and reacquainting ourselves with our own mortality -- but just for a few minutes, while we're waiting for those game hens to come out of the oven.

The grandiose language bandied about by these tchotchke makers is worth the price of admission alone:

"The season of color -- the colors are red, white, and blue. Colors that honor America -- the volunteers, firefighters, police, families and victims of the tragedies in New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania on Sept. 11. Now, there are two more colors -- sterling silver and 14k gold. Drue Sanders Custom Jewelers is proud to announce the creation of a commemorative pin, in either 14k gold or sterling silver. The pin is in the shape of the Pentagon, with the design featuring the American flag, the shape of New York State, and the words "United We Stand" and "God Bless America." These beautiful pins are available at a fraction of their retail value, and partial proceeds from their sale will be donated to the New York City World Trade Center Relief Fund."

Naturally, most of the retailers donate part of their proceeds to one of the many 9/11-related funds. Whether this is the main point of the product or merely a necessity to ensure sales, it's impossible to tell in most cases. Some claim that all of the proceeds and profits will go to the fund, others reveal that a specific amount -- from $1 to $5, generally -- will go to the fund; still others claim that "some portion" of the profits will be donated, but presumably we're supposed to leave it up to the creator of the product how much they'd like to donate once they turn a profit.

But as easy as it may be to write off all 9/11-related merchandise as the work of opportunistic trinket peddlers, it's realistic to assume that many of these efforts began, at least, in an attempt to translate some difficult feelings into action. Given the vast numbers of us who felt moved to do something, anything, in the wake of 9/11, whether to honor its victims, reconcile our guilt at surviving, guard against further attacks, or simply peel ourselves from the TV and the papers and escape an overwhelming feeling of frustration, anger and helplessness, the current glut of commemorative commodities makes perfect sense.

Most of us in this country went through hell that week a year ago. However self-centered and pathetic we might be for shuffling around in our socks for weeks after Sept. 11, glassy-eyed and stunned, while we barely let the slaughter of millions of Rwandans spoil our breakfasts, the fact remains that we experienced something horrifying, and we experienced it together. To chalk up all the merchandise to blind greed is to ignore the obvious fact that we shared an unforgettable experience, and in America, we mark the unforgettable less with ceremonies than with souvenirs.

Next Page: Most of us are undeniably making a genuine attempt to remember the victims of 9/11

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