If a child is a killer, are the parents to blame?

Psychologist and author James Garbarino says the responsibility for teen violence must be shared.

By Damien Cave

Sep 6, 2001 | James Garbarino spends a lot of time with kids most people try to avoid. For close to 30 years -- since earning his Ph.D. at Cornell in human development -- he's counseled, interviewed and studied hundreds of deeply troubled, and often extremely aggressive, teens. Kids who have killed are his specialty. Gang-affiliated murderers, Gulf War veterans, kids who commit suicide or kill their fellow students out of irrational rage -- Garbarino takes an interest in them all. In fact, few psychologists can claim to have more experience in the research of young killers' motives, struggles and consequences. Garbarino is currently co-director of Cornell's Family Life Development Center.

After being immersed in the study of delinquency for three decades, Garbarino remains a child advocate who declines to directly condemn his subjects or demand harsher punishment for their crimes. He regularly testifies as an expert witness on behalf of teenagers accused of violent crimes, often arguing that young "criminals" are most often victims of circumstance. He has written frequently about the impact of abusive parents on their children's ability to respect human life; and denounced a "socially toxic" culture of televised violence, racism and poverty as a major contributor to the psychological confusion and angst of teenagers.

In his latest book -- "Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Children's Life" -- Garbarino makes a significant departure from his usual stance about the defining influences on troubled teens. Co-written with researcher Claire Bedard, this new book aims to comfort the parents of children who are violent, difficult or even murderous. Garbarino's last book, "Lost Boys," revealed the close correlation between abusive parenting and violent children; in "Parents Under Siege" he staunches the criticism, arguing that parents -- good or bad -- ultimately "are responsible but not to blame."

In the new book, Garbarino says that in today's post-Columbine environment, parents of problematic children are suffering an unjust, extreme attack. The public's caustic outrage over kids who kill has overflowed, he says, going beyond blaming the children to accusing their families, who in some cases are being sued for civil damages. Garbarino then goes on to show that the anti-parent ire is scientifically unjustified, that it attributes too much power to parents in a familial relationship. By shifting the blame, rather than taking contructive steps to end the violence, says Garbarino, we are forfeiting the opportunity to minister to troubled teens and eliminate the danger of youth violence.

Borrowing ideas that he first fleshed out in "Lost Boys" and "Raising Children in a Socially Toxic Environment," Garbarino stresses that children are shaped by forces both inside and outside the home. To truly prevent school shootings, suicide and gang violence, he says, educators, policymakers and parents themselves must accept that some children enter the world with temperaments that predispose them to aggression, and that cultural forces can often trump even the most positive parental influence. Violent video games, overcrowded schools, poverty, gang violence and other factors can all add to a child's "tower of risk," and no matter how hard parents try, some kids will simply topple over.

Still, should parents be able to completely separate themselves from their children's actions? Should the proverbial buck stop with our "socially toxic" culture or with those who are charged with regulating how children interact with it? And are there solutions that can be easily applied to help violent teens and improve parents' lives?

In San Francisco for a brief visit, Garbarino took some time to talk about the myriad ways that children become overwhelmed and violent; and how parents can become more of a solution than a problem for their struggling kids.

Your book is dedicated to the parents of Colombine killer Dylan Klebold. You met with them while writing this book, and the work feels like an attempt to comfort them. How far should this comfort go? Do you think they are in any way responsible for their son's actions?

Let me explain something about the situation with the Klebolds. There's a statement in the book about the lawsuits, saying that the claims have been settled. But I just heard from the lawyers a few days ago that they aren't all settled, and that they really don't want me talking directly about the Klebolds until they are. So I have to be very circumspect about what I say.

But I can certainly say that what happened to the Klebolds is an extreme case of something quite common. That's the premise of this book -- that there are millions of parents who love their kids, who spend time with their kids, who care about their kids. And nonetheless, the kids end up in big trouble: Some commit suicide, get involved with drugs, get involved with violence; others are obnoxious and difficult to have around. So the Klebolds are an extreme case of what's very common.

But do you think that parents of children like Klebold have any responsibility for their children's actions, criminal or otherwise?

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