The nuclear family takes a hit

Nancy Folbre, an economist at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and the author of "The Invisible Heart: The Economics of Family Values," says that if conservative groups want to reach out to Americans, they must finally revise their definition of family.

"The positive thing that conservative groups have done is to emphasize the importance of committed relationships and the involvement of both parents in raising a child," says Folbre. "But the fact is that people can do that without being legally married. If what they decide to do is emphasize these values, not the demographics of the families in question, they will survive. But if they insist on this notion that only people who are married with children meet this criteria, they will find themselves obsolete."

The initial response to the census figures tended toward the obsolete model, with a spokesperson for the conservative Family Research Council insisting that "this data shows we need to regain the importance of marriage as a social institution. People are disregarding the importance of marriage and the importance of having a mother and father who are married."

A later response from the Heritage Foundation feels equally stubborn, even desperate, in its fuzzy analysis of the numbers and "life cycles." Explained Kirk Johnson, a senior policy analyst at the conservative think tank: "The nuclear family is not necessarily a minority. You have to take into consideration people's life cycles. People between the ages of, say, 40 and 60 may not be living with their children in the house, but they may have lived in a nuclear family at some point during their lifetimes."

But other conservatives seem to have a more circumspect view of the statistics, one that indicates a beleaguered acceptance of the numbers but renewed conviction about the "problems" those numbers suggest.

"I have no reason to question the accuracy of the statistics," says Ed Vitagliano, news editor of the journal for the conservative American Family Association, "but I do think that the culture as a whole understands that the family is important. It's easier to get a divorce now than it was 35 years ago, but I don't think people are comfortable with that. I think we have an awareness that something is wrong if families are disintegrating. Even for people who get a divorce, I think there is an underlying fear about the disintegration of the family, and a desire to live in a stable family."

Interviews with others at the Heritage Foundation and the Family Research Council, as well as the American Family Association, a Christian organization based in Mississippi, reflect further softening of rhetoric in recent weeks. None of these conservative groups condemn those who live in nontraditional families (perhaps because 75 percent of the voting public falls outside of the category of the nuclear family in one way or another). Instead, their responses make reference to respect for personal choice, to the best interests of children, to the acceptance of the reality of people's lives -- while still promoting an ideal version of family life.

"I think it's very important that as an organization, we don't make single parents believe that God doesn't love them or that we don't care about them," says Vitagliano. "I think the church needs to be careful about its message, that in teaching and preaching the ideal, we do not isolate or reject single parents."

Vitagliano says he believes that in a time when people rarely know their neighbors, the church is the ideal institution for aiding single parents, who he says deserve "not only Christian love, but practical love" -- like help with day care, looking in on latchkey children and providing general emotional and practical support.

"I think that even the people involved in a single-parent situation would agree that it is a less than ideal situation," says Vitagliano, "with the exception of the rare Hollywood personalities who wear their single parenthood as a badge of pride. Most people find themselves in that situation because of a divorce, an unwanted pregnancy or because a partner dies. I don't think that people gleefully and joyfully head into single parenthood."

In other words, it may be acceptable to be a single parent, but it is not a good idea to want to be a single parent. In this scenario, we all still believe in the ideal, even if some of us have been barred through life's disappointments from achieving it.

Next Page: But social science is not absolute in its authority on family structure

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