Teen girls not in a rush

Four random but not randy "tween" girls talk about boobs, boys and sex -- and why they're not in a hurry to have any of it.

By Karen Houppert

Oct 22, 1999 | Four Brooklyn girls, ages 12 and 13, are gathered around the kitchen table having an afternoon snack. These randomly selected, middle-class girls are my unscientific focus group -- the same age as the provocative Lolitas who made the cover of last week's Newsweek. Because Newsweek tells me that "tweens" like these are growing up too fast and having sex too soon, I am asking the girls about puberty and sex. These girls in the kitchen are a mixture of giggling nervousness and confidence, trying on big words and big ideas, lacing their opinions with tangled tangents about what their parents think and what their classmates think and what the other girls at camp think.

"So, about the rush to puberty and sex," I begin.

But I'm interrupted. Between sex and puberty, there is no contest. Boobs and periods and boys, oh my! -- these are compelling topics. But intercourse? Totally abstract. Totally dull. Totally distant.

"When I say puberty what words come to mind?"

An avalanche is loosed: "Maturing." "Fickle." ("What's that mean?") "Cooties no longer being a big deal." "Becoming a woman." "Periods." "Moodiness." "Butt-headedness, like my sister, since I'm not allowed to say the other B-word."

The girls debate whether or not growing up will transform them, make them different people. They have a handle on the physical changes but are ambivalent about the implications of these changes.

"I have a feeling I won't be going through puberty for a while," says 13-year-old Juliet, who is bone-thin with a hint of breast. "I've talked with my mom about how the other kids are more developed."

"It's not a race," interrupts Eponine, who is also 13 and talks with her mouth full of muffin. Eponine, who like all the girls, chose her own pseudonym (Eponine being her favorite character from "Les Miserables"), shakes her head sagely from the plumper, more developed side of young womanhood. "What's the big deal with breasts?" says Ep. " I mean, they're just two lumps of flesh."

Juliet struggles for the right words. "I don't feel like I'm ready for puberty. I guess there's lots of benefits, but also unbenefits. When I was little I used to be able to hide in small spots. Sometimes I just want to stay small."

Of all the implications these girls consider as they contemplate their changing bodies, sex, for now, is not on the list.

"Sex?" "I feel like I would never -- I mean, I like boys and everything but not that much!" Juliet says indignantly. A self-proclaimed product of postpone-sex PSAs, her vehemence reflects a familiar sex-equals-pregnancy dogma. "All throughout my life I've had high goals for myself," she says. "I've wanted to be a zoologist. Or a ballerina. Or a storm-chaser. So I wouldn't want to have sex when I could do so much more with my life."

When does she think she'll be ready?

"When I'm 25 or 26," she says with aplomb.

Not that they haven't noticed that their attitude toward boys is changing. Abigail describes it this way: "It used to be, 'Oh, Hi, Michael.' Now it's like, 'Hi, Michael.'" Eyes wide and curious. Giggles all around.Then the conversation wends its way back to boobs.

"I remember at camp this summer one girl had a C bra size. And the guys didn't really like her but they would stare at her in her bathing suit," says 13-year-old Abigail.

Juliet does her one better. "There was a girl at my camp who had a double-D."

"Holy Frijoles!" Miaka says.

Abigail is blasi: "You can do surgery to remove that, you know."

Next Page: Do big boobs make you loose?

• View blog reactions