Saturday, Jul 5, 2008
More sympathy for parents with disabled children Plus: What about pro wrestling's contribution to television?; Why did Susan Brownmiller vote for a "rapist" -- twice?
Jan 7, 2000 | I can't hate the Kelsos
BY ANNE
MITCHELL
(01/04/00)
Hear! Hear! What Mitchell wrote was harsh and angry and absolutely right-on. My own son was destroyed by a botched delivery (in my city's best hospital), leaving him severely brain-damaged. Back when his long post-natal hospitalization was wrapping up, we were never asked if we were up to the task of taking him home. We didn't know what tasks lay ahead. And so we brought him home, fed him through his stomach tube every two hours, took him to physical therapy several times a week. The theme of our lives became his care, his troubles, his sad condition -- all with little evidence that he was even aware of us.
While there are some options for institutional care, you're right that there aren't many. And we always felt that we were viewed as selfish for even thinking of those options -- not by our dear therapists, doctors, and nurses, and certainly not by our friends who wondered how long it would be before we cracked. But the agencies handling our case simply didn't consider the idea that such a child shouldn't be a constant burden to his parents and siblings.
After months and years, our poor son died. And when I read a piece like yours, I can't help but wonder if he did it to rescue us all from our lot. Our burden was never like yours continues to be. My heart goes out to you. If only you could feel more support and sympathy from those who know only what they've seen in TV movies.
-- Miles P.
Anne Mitchell has it exactly right. The hospital had no business calling the law. The Kelsos would have retrieved the boy when they had a few hours to think. Nobody who has cared for a disabled child can understand the real willpower showed by the Kelsos. They need support from their community, not condemnation.
-- Joel Smith
I cannot imagine the Delaware police and court system arresting and detaining the Kelso parents. It is so easy to see that they were looking for good help for their son and were exhausted. I don't know how parents go on without cutting off the respirator. What do we expect of these people? Far more than most of us could do. I have always said we should teach young women to leave babies in the emergency room instead of garbage cans if they felt they had to dispose of them. How hypocritical are we that we force people to take care of any child when they are saying they need help?
There is truly something wrong with the whole system that it would try to "hurt" the Kelsos for leaving their child in such good hands. I had to laugh when I saw some social services type say they were going to place him in foster care. They can't even find homes for kids with no problems -- who could take care of him? It would take a hospital to replace his mom and dad -- certainly no other untrained mortals.
My best wishes to the whole family and to others who had the same burdens with such little help. We now have a judge who believes they should have no contact with their son. How is that in the best interest of any of the parties? I live in Delaware and I am embarrassed by our judicial system.
-- Martha Brown
Although I have never been in the Kelsos' position, I can't begin to imagine the toll such 24-hour care must take on the parents. Although everyone talks about the resources available for such parents, my guess is that it's not so easy to find. Any parent who has cared for a sick child housebound with a cold, ear infection, measles or chicken pox knows how grueling that can be. Multiply that by a number incomprehensible to most of us and think what it must be like. I just wonder why they didn't seek help or a residential facility before taking such a drastic step. My heart goes out to the parents of those children who are never free from the care and responsibilities. I'm sure they can't call a babysitter or family member to take over. The rest of us can't begin to know what it's like so we shouldn't judge them.
-- Nanci Weber
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